I feel so dirty. Today while shopping at the Eaton Centre I had to urgently go pee – bad! Being 20 minutes away from home I had to do one of the most disgusting things anyone can do – enter the women's washroom! It was horrible, as I made my way towards the stall, carefully bypassing used maxi pads left scattered on the floor, I couldn't help by hear the women next to me struggle with her own bowel movements and thinking, "Gee whiz, is it too much to ask that public washrooms could at least have so kind of loud fan or maybe some music?" I mean, c'mon I was only a few meters away from some women sitting in the stall next to me farting, grunting and squeezing out her first born and all I could do was sit and listen to it. So gross, but not as gross as the pee the women before me left on the seat.

What the hell is with women doing that? I understand that there is this irrational fear of catching germs, but couldn't they perhaps use the protective-disposable-seat-cover? Or wrap the seat in toilet paper? Is it really necessary to squat and hover a foot above the seat thereby showering the seat with piss? It's disgusting, I always try to remember to check and see if there is pee on the seat before I sit down, but on a few beer fueled occasions I've had the unfortunate experience – in my haste to relieve myself– to have accidentally sat down on a seat with urine spread all over it, leaving my exposed skin covered in someone else's piss! At least wipe it up after, it's like that saying "If when you pee, you splash the seat– To clean it up would be so sweet! After all, that stuff is strictly yours, 'n' The next person shouldn't have to sit in urine!" Damn, and to think we've been spending all these years just trying to get men not to tinkle on the seat when we really should have been targeting both sexes! After leaving me no choice but to squat myself I did my business and hurried the hell out of their, hoping I'd never (but knowing I will) find myself in that predicament again.

It's too bad the majority of us women can't pee standing up (I say the majority because I've met a few women who've confessed that after some practicing they have mastered the art of using a urinal), not only would we not have to put our butts somewhere they don't want to be but we'd decrease the time we spend in line waiting for a stall. Plus, I'd also get to live out my secret fantasy of writing my name in the snow with my urine.