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Baggage You Need to Leave at Home
By Teresa Rodriguez Williamson

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."

—Ambrose Redmoon

"In 1988 my world crashed. I lost everything: my home, my boyfriend, and my faith in myself and God. I spent the next ten years being afraid of everything: love, self-exploration, travel—everything. And it was not until my best friend died in a car crash that I realized life is too short to be afraid. What would Erica want me to do if she was still alive? I think she would want me to live. I’ve gotten a bit lazy with my life, and now I’m committed to becoming less fearful and freer. This trip to Paris is my first step; I’m sure Erica would approve!"
—Jean, Toronto Canada

I met Jean while in New York a few years ago. She was on her way to Paris, alone, and although at the time I wasn’t planning on writing a book, her words stuck to the sides of my heart like sweet honey. I hope she won’t mind my quoting her. I believe that through her fear and her loss, she was able to rise up and recognize her need to change. But before she could do that, she needed to leave a few pieces of her past behind. Attitudes and beliefs are much like the heavy baggage that we tend to carry around, because we have not made a conscious decision to leave them behind. My hope it that by the time you finish this article, you’ll know what you should leave at home—or better yet, throw away.

I had a dream that put this into perspective for me. In my dream, I was in a garden and wanted to pick some beautiful flowers, but I was carrying heavy, cold stones in my hand and I wouldn’t put them down. An angel came to me and told me that the only way I would ever hold anything beautiful was by letting go of the stones I was clutching. We all carry these stones—or baggage—everywhere we go: sometimes in our hands, or perhaps in our hearts or minds. All they do is weigh us down, and when we travel alone, we need to travel light. In this article, you will have an opportunity to identify your baggage, and leave it where it belongs. Through this process, you’ll get to a place where you trust yourself, become proactive, and take responsibility for your behavior. The three pieces of baggage that you’ll be leaving behind are fear, which usually affects the mind; sloth, which is associated with your body; and finally, pride, which affects your spirit.

The first piece of baggage you need to leave behind:

Fear

In Louise Hay’s book, You can Heal Your Life, she lists the symptoms of fear on fourteen different pages: it’s the number one subject she addresses in her book. Aging comes in second, with thirteen references! "Fear," she writes, "is by far the biggest category of resistance—fear of the unknown" (54). It’s this fear of the unknown that holds people back from making a voyage. And so, fear is the first piece of baggage you must leave at home. This can be hard sometimes.

"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood."
—Marie Curie

In his book, The Psychology of Happiness, Robert E. Najemy writes that we can cause our own fear, and this fear can be created in various ways. He lists a few self-manifestations of fear:

Fear number one:

"A feeling of separateness can cause fear. Fear results from a feeling of alienation, which produces a general feeling of suspicion of everything and everybody."

When traveling, this translates into being in a new place with people you don’t know or trust because they’re not part of your normal life. Or, perhaps you’re afraid of them and the situation because you’ve never met them before and they have no investment in your well being. You feel distant and not part of their lives. This can easily happen when traveling alone. You see a group of people having fun together and you are afraid to reach out, so you sit in the corner for the rest of the evening nursing your gin and tonic. The only person who can possibly change this fear is you.

Solution: Reach out to find connections and similarities with others.

You’re sitting in a restaurant alone in a foreign country. While eating your lunch, you notice a group of people your age chatting and enjoying themselves. You have the opportunity to introduce yourself, ask a question about the neighborhood, or sit there and be afraid. What do you have to lose by asking for information, introducing yourself, or complimenting someone? Nothing. You will lose nothing. Reach out and find connections with others when you travel. Better yet, employ this philosophy in your everyday life and you’ll be surprised at how many fascinating people you’ll meet!

Fear number two:

"Unfamiliarity with people and things also causes suspicion and fear to emerge. When we come in contact with someone who dresses or behaves differently from what we are accustomed to, our security base is undermined and we often react with caution and perhaps defensive or offensive behavior."

This can happen when we are in a different culture that we don’t understand and can’t predict the usual protocol. When we don’t know what’s going to happen next, we get thrown off-balance by it and we become scared. This can happen by the simple act of, say, eating salad at the end of the meal (as they do in France) instead of the predictable order in the United Stated, which is between the appetizer and the main dish. We have a set of cultural assumption that helps us manage our time and our life.

Amanda from Okalahoma City shares, "When I went to Rome, I was so frightened by the Italian men. I come from a quiet, mid-western family where everyone talks in hushed tones, and we never raise our voices or share our emotions. And then, here I am in Rome, where everyone is yelling and flailing their arms about. I thought I was going to die of a heart attack, I couldn’t figure out why everyone was so angry with me. Then, I asked a lovely Italian lady why everyone was so mad; she laughed and said that that behavior is part of being Italian. Once I learned that, I was not afraid."

Solution: Manage your expectations.

As Amanda showed, it is easy to become frightened by new people and new circumstances, but once we seek to understand and accept them, we can enjoy ourselves. Managing your expectations includes understanding that everyone does not live like you do—and that’s okay. Don’t assume the worst, and if you are unclear about something, ask. If you plan on traveling overseas, this is your chance to learn about a new culture and differences in behavior. Welcome the change and embrace the opportunity to experience new people and interesting cultures.

Fear number three:

"Imagination can create images of doom and suffering far beyond any physical reality or likelihood. Imagination in itself is not negative. Some of the feelings that can take over when we least expect it are: alienation, unfamiliarity, vulnerability, mistrust and attachment."

This can happens when we don’t research our destination, and show up in a place where we have no prior experience, or have not examined thoroughly. We begin to create tragic scenarios—because, after all, tragedy is a universal theme! We can’t focus on the good parts about a location or destination if we have not first researched and learned what is so spectacular about it. If all I know about Bali is that there was a bombing there, I will enter that destination with fear. But if I spend time researching it, and discover all the fabulous sites I can visit, and my fear is replaced with excitement. One of the fears I hear often is, "How can you live in San Francisco, you have earthquakes!" How unfortunate that these people hold such a limited view of San Francisco, without taking the time to research the wonderful attractions, sites, and culture of this diverse area. All they can think about is earthquakes!

Fortunately, we have the ability to change this fear into something constructive. We can move from fear to trust by allowing ourselves the opportunity to take calculated, thoughtful risks so that we can see that we have much more power over our imagination than we believed.

Most of our fears are not based on our present reality, but rather are founded on a nonexistent past or an imagined future. We supply our reality though media that feed our fears. Turn on the news for a mere five minutes and I trust you will hear about a murder, war, tragedy, or bad accident. Rarely are we showered with warm and loving events via the media. We are smart enough to know this and can begin to use research to rise above our imagined fears and trust ourselves. We can also deal with the real danger much more efficiently when we respect it and act with clarity, self-trust and courage.

Solution: Take the first step, think positively, and trust yourself and a higher power.

Rick Warren, the bestselling author of The Purpose Driven Life, says that taking action is the first step in overcoming fear. He writes, "Don’t wait to feel powerful or confident. Move ahead in your weakness, doing the right thing in spite of your fears and feelings" (175). In other words, get up and go, regardless of your apprehension. Of course, you’ll need to take a few steps before you head forward into the abyss. Those steps will be addressed in the other pieces of baggage you’ll need to leave behind. But for now, you’ll need to trust yourself, say a prayer—if you wish—and believe in your ability to make the right decisions.

Solo travel is brimming with opportunities to trust in your higher power—it requires faith and confidence. Through flying solo, we get the opportunity to let go of fear and believe in something greater. I personally believe that God watches over me, and before I depart, I say a prayer. My prayers usually consist of asking for wisdom, peace, and safety: "Dear Lord, may You grant me the wisdom to make the right choices. Please be with me through my travels, keep me safe."

"Trust yourself to find the path where there is no if and when.
Don’t trust me to show you the truth
When the truth may only be ashes and dust.
If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself."

—Bob Dylan

Chellis Ying lives in San Francisco and has spent over two years living and traveling by herself in various countries: China, Guam, Spain, South Korea, Japan, Saipan, Singapore, Thailand, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Macau, Germany, England, France, Tunisia, and Taiwan. I asked Chellis about her thoughts regarding intuition and how important it is to trust it. She said, "The issue of trust is one that I think of often. Following your instincts is essential when traveling. Although I took a fair amount of risks while on the road, I also took many conservative precautions. It was all about my own feelings of safety. In Spain, a laid-back, culturally open country, I had no qualms about being out until three a.m., a woman on my own. But in a country like Tunisia, where the men were unafraid to approach a woman with a sexual proposition, I was in my hotel room with the door locked when the sun set. Being adventurous is one thing; risking your life is another."

As Chellis reveals, traveling is about going beyond your pragmatic belief system and trusting your instincts by reviewing your environment and assessing the situation. Fear can be left behind, but you’ll need to bring a bit of faith, trust, and the willingness to believe in a force that is greater than yourself. We have to believe that we will be cared for—if we take the necessary precautions. Even Jesus spoke about trusting God, but in the same breath, He said that it’s important to be organized. He said, (paraphrased) "Don’t be anxious for your life, don’t be afraid…but be dressed in readiness and keep your lamps on. Be alert and be prepared" (Luke 12:22-40).

Aajonus Vonderplanitz poetically illustrates the steps he took to break through his fear. He writes in his book, We Want To Live, "I had to trust my instincts and intuition. Through my instincts my body communicates with me. Through intuition my psyche (soul or spirit) communicates with me. I know that every decision should be a trilateral agreement between my psyche (soul), body (instinct), and mind (reason)" (47). Just like Aajonus, we too, need to be in agreement with our mind, body, and spirit before we can let go of fear. Once we do, we can move into action.

"Action may not always bring happiness;
but there is no happiness without action."

—Benjamin Disraeli

The Second piece of baggage you need to leave behind:

Sloth (a.k.a. laziness)

Let’s make a commitment to go beyond our front doors and explore what the world has to offer. We can’t expect the Eiffel Tower—nor the bevy of other opportunities that await us in our travels—to just show up at our doorstep. Leaving fear and laziness behind is not just appropriate for travel, it’s appropriate for all aspects of your life. Now is a good time to realistically review your life and begin that which you have been putting off. Is it time to get in shape? Should you quit smoking? Are you in a toxic situation you need to end? Perhaps your flying solo experience will allow you the opportunity to begin your transformation. If so, setting a goal date is the first plan of action.

One of my favorite self-help professionals, Brian Tracy, does an extraordinary job illustrating the reason for laziness and procrastination. He says the major reason for procrastinating is that tasks appear so large and formidable when we first approach them that we decide not to start them. This can be true when we dream of traveling to a far-off location, but we don’t know what we need to do to make our trip a reality. So often I hear, "But I don’t have a passport. I don’t have a clue how to find a safe hotel. I really don’t know where to start, so instead I’ll stay home—it’s much easier."

One technique that Tracy recommends is to cut a big task down to size: the "salami slice" method of getting work done. With this method, you lay out the task in detail, and then resolve to do just one slice of the job at a time. The first slice you need to cut is deciding want out of your trip. Take your time and explore your options. Start with a few locations that appeal to you, do some research, and feel what resonates with you. No need to plunge in all at once. Tracy says that, psychologically, you’ll find it easier to do a single, small piece of a large project than arbitrarily diving in headfirst. Once you start researching and planning, you’ll develop a sense of forward momentum and a feeling of accomplishment. You become energized and excited. You feel yourself motivated and propelled to keep going until the planning is complete. (Brian Tracy, The Psychology of Achievement).

Once you make plans, understand that laziness is not a good travel companion. It takes time and effort to design the trip you want, and by being proactive you’re able to wrestle off fear, because you’ve researched your destination, things to do, and important information. You’re no longer entering a situation that, in the past, would have caused you to be fearful. You’re moving towards your future with knowledge, passion, and understanding.

"Pride sullies the noblest character."

—Claudianus

The final piece of baggage you need to leave behind:

Pride

According to Charles Panati’s fascinating book, Sacred Origins of Profound Things, the Greek monastic theologian Evagrius of Pontus was the first to concoct a list of eight offenses and wicked human passions. They were, in order of increasing seriousness: gluttony, lust, greed, sadness, anger, sloth, vainglory, and pride. Each of these sins escalated in severity by way of representing increased obsession with the self, with pride as the most egregious of the sins.

Essentially, pride steals your ability to rely on others and show gratitude. Pride says, "I’m better than you, I know more, I am more important, and I don’t need your help because you’re below me." You won’t get very far with that attitude. Reinforcing this philosophy, Dana Facaros and Michael Pauls, authors of, The Travelers’ Guide to Hell, say that pride is "the mother of all sins…the thin line between righteousness and self-righteousness." Pride is excessive belief in one’s own abilities, and this way of thinking interferes with the one’s ability to grow through experiences.

Because I used pride as a self-defense mechanism, this was a hard lesson for me to learn. Any time I felt threatened, or worried, I would pretend I was better, smarter, and more in control than anyone else. This mind-set changed when a lovely older woman was watching me at a party one evening as I began to act up. She quietly said to me, "You’re tripping over your own ego darling, and that’s not very graceful." She was right. It was not about me, and until I learned that lesson, I wasted so much time pretending that I was something greater than I was.

"Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves."

—Emily Bronte

A ways to avoid haughty, arrogant, and prideful behavior is to be patient with and respectful of others. Accept that you won’t be right all the time. You don’t always know the quickest route home—so don’t tell taxi drivers how to drive. You might not have all the information about a situation, so don’t be overbearing or judgmental. Basically, while traveling through life—or the world—treat others the way you want to be treated, and honor others’ decisions. You want to be remembered as a kind, patient traveler, not a rude intolerable pest whose pride made others uncomfortable.

My darling friend Judi, who has traveled the world over, always with grace and style, shared some of her travel experiences with me:

"What is worse than a cocky American in Naples, Italy wondering why the pizza napolitano is not like Round Table at home, with that triple-layer pizza they saw advertised on television. And let’s not forget the thirty-minute delivery! And there’s always the out-of-control American demanding a Big Mac-style burger ("Hold the pickles and forgo the Poupon, but sure baby, I’d love some dye-number-four French’s Mustard!") on the Ille St. Louis, in France, and confusing it with yummy steak tartare.

"In situations like these, I smile and depart, and thank my stars that I’m blessed with dignity. Then I travel on to the next spot, as these folks will always be in our lives. Whether it’s our apartment neighbors, our work colleagues, or maybe even our relatives—there’s nothing we can do to change them, so go out and experience the world, enjoy the moment, don’t skulk, revel in the scenic surroundings, be you, and show others kindness."

We all wish for the same thing: to be loved and respected. Do the world a favor and be that kind, generous soul who makes life a bit more pleasant for others. One of my favorite quotes about pride comes from the wise Voltaire. He poignantly says, "We are rarely proud when we are alone." That’s one reason I like traveling by myself; it gives me an opportunity to rein in my pride and rely on the wisdom and skills of others. This can be tough sometimes, but I challenge you to move forward in your journey and get ready to leave your baggage behind.

"Only in solitude do we find ourselves; and in finding ourselves,
we find in ourselves all our brothers in solitude."

—Miguel de Unamuno

Exploration exercises:

1. Explore your fears: what are you most afraid of? Why?

2. Write about the steps you need to take to become the proactive person you long to be.

3. What self-centered traits will you struggle to leave at home? Why?