As I write this episode of the Jess Tour '08 I'm travelling southward on an Amtrak train. I just left Grandma Sylvia at the train station and am finally headed home...to work tomorrow morning. Yuck. Anyway, here's what happened yesterday.

Recap of the previous episode: Home Town Buffet, complete with OJ spillage. Material shopping at Wal-Mart with one over eager Grandma and one begrudging one. "Lunch" with a cousin and his family, some of whom I did not know existed. Visiting with old family friends who basically talked about dead people. More weight related comments. My Cousin Vinny.

Yesterday morning we woke up and got ready to attend the Denair Landmark Missionary Baptist Church. I knew I was in for a treat. I got dressed, in a real dress, and went out ready to handle all of the snide comments I knew would be fired at me. First off, Grandma Sylvia decided we needed to leave at 9:00 to get to church on time. Church doesn't even start until 9:45. So we were there at 9:15 to gossip with all of the other old ladies that get there early for that purpose. Everyone was glad to see me, I look like my Mom, it's so nice I came to see my Grandmas, boy I'm really lucky, etc. We had devotions, about...I have no idea. We sang a hymn. We split up for our classes. I had to go downstairs with a long time friend and the rest of the "young adults." All 3 of them. Suddenly our 10 person Fuel gathering seemed humongous. We had our lesson on...I don't know. Then it was back upstairs for more hymns (from a real live hymnal) and preaching. And oh what fine preaching it was.

The pastor was speaking on humility. And (I'm not making this up, I couldn't make it up if I tried) the illustration he used to teach on humility was to tell all of us how he's learned to be humble and how humble he is. I had to think about something else so I wouldn't laugh out loud. But of course my Grandma's thought it was just swell and we all had a grand old time.

Sidebar: My Grandma S just recently started going to church regularly. Obviously, when my Grandpa was alive, she went because he was the pastor. But after he died and she remarried she really didn't stay involved in church. She never went completely haywire and started living in sin, but she has never really been a pillar of faith, in my opinion. Now that she's started back to church, everything is "The Lord will provide" and everything relates back to church. I'm really glad she's back in church and everything, but it's taking me a minute to get used to this new Grandma.

After church was over we went home to eat lunch and regroup before heading out to another Landmark Missionary Baptist Church. We ate, I read, I played on the laptop, Grandma Betty and I worked on the puzzle and then it was time to head out to Waterford. Grandma S insisted that we leave at 4 for church, which of course started at 5. But, again, we needed to be there in time for the gossip. Grandpa Brother Moore, Gary (his son) and his, I guess girlfriend Sis Hightower were behind us when we got there. Behind us. We got to church before the pastor of the church got to church. Ridiculous. We went in, and they had this gorgeous grand piano. I almost died. I absolutely had to play it. So I did. And everyone said I sounded just like my mommy. Which I've never heard before.  Everyone started filing in and Grandma Sylvia was quick to make herself (and me) the center of attention. Oh good. People started coming up and telling me "I think the last time I saw you, you were this tall..." And putting there hands really close to the floor. Or they would say, "We just really loved your Grandpa." Or they would ask about my Mommy. No one asked about my Dad. As per usual. The best one though was this lady, I have no idea who she is. She was talking to me and she said, "So where do you folks live now?" I told her I lived in Redlands. She said, "Oh so you go to church with Brother..." And tried to think of the name. I quickly said, "No I go to church in Colton." And she said, "Oh. Is there a Missionary Baptist Church in Colton?" I said, "No I don't believe so. I go to a "Baptist" church but it's not a Missionary Baptist." By the way, I am aware that we no longer belong to the Baptist denomination due to "denominational conflict" however, I knew this lady would probably have a coronary then and there if I told her such devastating news. I was right. But you know what she said to me? She said, "What? Your Grandpa would be so ashamed if he knew that. I still love you though."

I didn't know if I was going to punch her in the face, throw up, cry, or do all of the above. How dare this woman, who doesn't know me tell me that my Grandpa would be ashamed because I didn't belong to a certain breed of church? Furthermore, since when did one denomination become better than another? Where in the Bible does it say that we're supposed to be divided into this type of Baptist and this type of Baptist and this other thing over here that's not Baptist at all. I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior and I've asked him into my heart to forgive me of my sins. I live my life daily in an effort to love and serve Him with everything that I have. If that's good enough for God then it should definitely be good enough for that cranky old lady.

So after I recovered from the horror of that ladies comment and stopped myself from crying church started. We sang some hymns (made me realllllly wish I was at Remix) and had class. Again. This time I got to stay inside with my Grandmas. The man that preached talked about the end times and how there would be an army of people wearing white robes that come in with Jesus. Some other man asked if that was the Bride of Christ. The Bride of Christ (according to Missionary Baptists) consists of them. Just people that are true, born again, Missionary Baptists. Do not ask me how they are any different from the rest of Christians, I've never quite gotten it. And it was all I could do to not raise my hand and state that fact. But out of respect for my Grandma's and the fact that I really just didn't care anymore, I kept my mouth shut.

Then Grandpa Brother Moore preached. As soon as he started talking I felt like I was a little kid. He is 80ish years old and he can still bring the gospel just as good as a younger preacher. He really does love the Lord with all he has, he's just stubborn about some of his doctrine.

After church was over more people wanted to talk to me and tell me how much I look like my Mom and how they miss my Grandpa. I do too. I never knew him really, he died when I was 6 months old. But I sure wish he was here to tell me what he really thinks about everything my brother and I have done.

Today, we got up and left Grandma Betty's and headed back to Fresno. We got to have lunch with one of my Mom's cousins that wasn't around when I was in Fresno before. Uncle Carl and Aunt Docia came too. Then Granmda Sylvia and I went to Uncle Carol and Aunt Docia's until time to leave for the train. Now I'm on the train headed home. It was a good trip. And I learned a lot. But that's for another time.