Remiss of me to not finish the story. I left you after I'd been left with the £100,000 question which if I'm being ungenerous I'd think was deliberately manipulated to make me lose in order to make great telly. Who had a hit with Hey Ya?

Not a clue. I knew my wife would know but she was behind me on a sort of balcony that each contestant's family was housed. It wasn't long after the Coughing Major scandal and I didn't want to get national publicity as a quiz cheat, though I did consider it. Anyway I got my gag in about rappers, and then guessed, 'Black Eyed Peas.' No chance, I was off.

I thought that was it, but forgot that if you get one wrong you get put in a sort of limbo area while a new contestant got chosen. Of all the remaining five they chose the one who was quite clever. The others, particularly the one from Northern Ireland, were as thick as pig shit, but anyway there was no time for any more questions except one for me to get back into the winners area. 'Who was Norma Jean Mortenson better known as?' er, duh, so resisting any candle in the wind jokes I was back in. This time with a chance to share or win outright £95,000.

The final questions are quite easy, Pamela got one about the meaning of osteoporosis which I knew and she hummed a bit but got, Norn Iron man would have had no chance and would probably have said Australia. Mine was 'what country was ruled by Catherine the Great?' and for the first time I didn't do a joke just gave the answer. Thus I'd won a half of £95,000. There was elation in the audience, I hadn't realised how behind me they were. The production people were very happy too, the contract for the show was up for renewal and whether by luck or manipulation they'd come up with a real nail-biter and though my recording was due to be aired in September (after filming in June) it was moved up to July to compete with ITV bringing back, I think, Who Wants to be a Millionaire.

I couldn't care less, I'd taken home a cheque for £47,500, well actually the cheque Dale gives you on the show isn't real, they send the real one out in the post. Though the money is gone now, I did pay off a lot of my mortgage and a big load of credit card debts so I get the benefit every month and will do for the next twenty years or so.

Was I happy? Strangely no, the whole winning thing was very unsettling and I couldn't sleep for a few days after. I also thought it was bound to lead to more tv work but apart from adjusting the wires on the Sky Plus I've had very little.

The only thing I think now is that financially, I need to win a tv quiz every year and I'd just about be all right.,