Lets get it on!

I LOVE what the Journal Sentinel reports on. 
Ripped from the Headlines

Man Robbed of Burrito 
Minutes After Qdoba Closes
At 3:35 a.m., a man, 25, was walking home near N.
Oakland and E. Belleview Place when he was attacked by
two suspects. According to police, they stole some
other crap from him as well as a burrito. 

"This is a sad situation," said MDP Sergeant D.
Sanchez. "If it would have been just 5 minutes earlier
the victim could have gone back to Qdoba, told his
story and probably gotten another, replacement,
burrito for free. This is truly a devastating crime
for the victim and the whole east side community
really."

Police Chief Nan Hegarty also commented, "You know,
this is a shame, right when we shift our uniformed
resources to focus on the crime hot spots in the city,
where the shootings and murders occur, we have a
travesty like this. This wasn't just any burrito
either, the reciept shows that it was the Qdoba Mole
Burrito with extra rice and the fajita veggies. Truely
a special one indeed." 

A candle light vigil will be scheduled outside the
Qdoba on Prospect and Ivanhoe to commemerate this true
burrito falling into the wrong hands.
****************************

In other news you probably dont give a SH*T about
either:

I managed to survive yet another Great America trip
this weekend, even though those people do everything
in their power to kill you and your wallet of
de-hydration, exhaustion and a heart attack. I hear
they get extra insurance money if you die of all three
at once.

They have a three stage attack plan to make sure you
leave scared for life, if not dead.

The first attack is on your wallet, they used that
jumpy azz muzic and kischty commercials to get you all
hyped up to save $15 when you bring in a coke can that
cost you .89 cents, but then they charge you $3.50 for
another coke once you are inside. Sounds like a drug
dealer strategy to me, get em addicted cheap then
raise the price of them fools! 

Then they go for your life blood, hydration. They have
the lemonade hustlers that hang out right next to the
line taunting you. These people are like the perfect
blend of a crack dealer and a car salesmen. They are
all incognito just hiding out behind a bush, that is
until you notice them, then they jump on your azz with
the hard sell..."Its getting pretty hot out here
huh...gosh I bet you guys are gettin thirsty...." then
they start wiping their own sweat and taking deep
gulps of the bright yellow liquid with fresh cut
lemons floating right in there...

Meanwhile if you have even a penny to your name your
hookin up with other people to put your money together
trying to "come up" on a lemonade. But if you're a
broke azz like me, your just sweating yer crotch off
in an hour long line for a 26 second ride, starring,
fixated on a scene that is less like lemonade sales
and more like...well you'll get the picture...

(enter a "Scrubs" style dream sequence)
...Imagine watching this lil 18y/o tart suck down a
massive load, with an arched back, gleaming bright
eyes, a shirt thats just a little too small, shorts a
little to little, and a nieve willingness to show it
all to you....
(snap back to reality)

Yea I know its surprising that more of those lemonade
hustlers aren't "taken for their goods".

The final assult on you is actually the thing you came
there for. The roller coasters themselves. 

The whole premise seems a little shady. You wiat in a
l ong azz line to go strap your self into a thinly
veiled 80 mph death trap made of steel, cable and a
acrylic run by doped up high schoolers and doped up
high school dropouts. They give you these harnesses
that are barely comfortable, never fit tight enough
and generic seats designed to secure people between 95
and 295 pounds. Then to top it all off they have these
phony seatbelt clips that wont do anything but ensure
a painfull neck smashing death as you fall out if your
harness does fail.

Add it all up and what you get is the thrill and
excitment of an near death experience followed up by a
lube-less An*l R*ping! YEA Ameica is GREAT!

This has been the Monday Morning Report, I hope it was
as good for you and it was for me!