Hey folks! This is Colin, filling in for my boss, Damion, while he's on vacation. I asked him where he was going and he said, "Phuket". Then I said, "No Phuken way, man! You need a vacation. You should go."

"No dude, I'm going to Phuket!" said Damion.

"You can go Phuke yourself for all I care. Just get the hell out of here."

So, I still have no idea where he's at but Damion, if you're reading this, your fish tank is on fire.

Let's see what happened this month...

Damion lost our good football in a 40 foot palm tree. We were having a nice game of catch when suddenly he started ranting about John Elway and being able to throw a football over a mountain. The next thing we knew he lodged the ball in the top of tree. Thanks Damion.

Kenny was running an errand and forgot to put gas in his car. So we had to come rescue and laugh at him. Your car might get good mileage dude, but it can't run on fumes.

We hired a new designer, Lindsey. Before she worked here she was designing sticky notes, so I guess this is a step up for her. It's always weird hiring a new person because you're not really sure what they're like. They could be super religious, or politically biased, or from Colorado, and you don't want to offend anybody you have to work with everyday. I don't think I heard a single swear word uttered in the office the whole first week she was here. She seems alright though, so we should be back to our regular hijinks before long.

Heather went to the wedge to check out the waves, but didn't get in the water. This doesn't really surprise me though, seeing as how she's kinda high maintenance. She said they were like a million feet high or something, but I've seen bigger than that.

We got a new cleaner shrimp in the fish tank. It mostly just picks stuff off the rocks, but sometimes the shrimp will climb on the tang's face and eat the parasites out of his gils. Damion will stick his hand in there and it just goes crazy like it was a Thanksgiving feast.

Kenny moved into Jeff's apartment in Laguna Beach. Long Beach was just too ghetto for him. I always had my suspicions about those two but this takes the cake. They say I'm never allowed to come over.

Everyone's been real moody because of the rush to get everything done for Interbike. It makes Damion super paranoid, and I don't think he sleeps the whole month. He even called me on a Sunday afternoon asking me to come into work, and I was like, "No way, I'm at church!" And he said, "Your church sounds a lot like a bowling alley!"
"How dare you question my faith!" and I promptly hung up the phone. I didn't get any strikes after that. Thanks again Damion.

Luckily, we all got to go to Las Vegas which helped to break the tension. Of course, we had to lie to Damion and tell him the flight left an hour earlier than it really did so we wouldn't be late. In Vegas Heather insisted that we take a limo to our hotel, the Stratosphere, and the limo driver told us about all the gross stuff people would do on the seats we were sitting on. Steve and I shared a room that smelled like mildew. Heather and Lindsey's room smelled like fresh paint. Damion, Kenny and Jeff's room smelled like peppermint schnapps. We all ate dinner at Benihana and Damion was paying, so I got the most expensive steak and lobster combo. After dinner Jeff got the gambling bug and started peeling off Ben Franklins like it was Monopoly money. Steve, Kenny, and I went to the topless, vampire girls show, but Jeff got scared and didn't want to go. So he went on gambling and beat us all at our running bet of who would win the most money. I tried to con Damion and Jeff out of $5000 by telling them that we needed to bail Kenny out of jail at 4 a.m. but they didn't fall for it. So instead Kenny went back to their hotel room to keep them up all night with his snoring.

The next day we ate at the same crappy place that we do every year, but I was really hungry that morning. So I paid $15 for buffet and happily ate my breakfast while everyone else watched, waiting for their food. Our waitress was trying to serve us tequila shots at 10 a.m. but no one was going for it. Maybe she was already drunk and wanted to share the joy. The Interbike show was okay, I guess. I was a bit bummed that there was no free beer, but the guys over at Pivot and BH Bikes were pretty stoked on the catalogs we did for them. Damion tried to be tough guy and ring the bell at the SRAM booth and failed by a narrow margin (watch his shame on YouTube). I rode something called a Hula-bike which was like a BMX frame that you could bend in half. I thought it was kind of weird to ride, but the guy who made it said, "It's cool man! You just smoke yourself a fat bowl, hop on the Hula-bike and get crazy!" That sounded like a really good idea, but I didn't bring any weed to Vegas, and I don't think they allow smoking in the convention center.

So that's it for this month. I hope you enjoyed it because after Damion reads this I'll probably be fired. Next month: Damion's Phuken Vacation, How to Make a Pumpkin Pie, Drinking Brass Monkey = Bad Idea, and Mating Behaviors of Pygmy Hippos.

Keep watching the skies,

Colin