so I went to Bonnaroo last year and changed my password on myspace. When I got back I couldnt remember what it was and it has taken me this long to get back to it.

Alot has happened. Jake dumped me. He told me that he used me to get out of his parents basement and the ride out to San Diego and he was out of things to use me for. Nice huh? So basically I got sick in San Diego in our first apartment. There was a gas leak from the stove that someone outside the apartment told us about the smell. It was basically poisioning me for a long time. Jake worked up in LA 3 days a week so it didnt really affect him. It made me sleep all the time and I thought something was wrong with me. Basically I was being gassed to death. Jake thought tho that my sickness was me being lazy or something? I dont know he got pissed that I was tired and sick all the time. We moved to another apartment cuz of some stupid drama. only to move to another apt with other problems. so i guess jakes using me explined all of his bedroom issues. He never really cared about me or liked me in that way so he wasted my life for years. woohoo yeah jake/

My car got impounded and basically when Jake dumped me he no longer paid for food and Nates child support stopped coming in. Jake or Nate broke my computer also so I had no way to sell artwork or design work so I was penniless. I mean penniless. We had to go to foodbanks to get food. Altho it was really awful and stressfull I met some of the coolest people I have ever met in the last month of being in san diego. They were travelers and hippie anarchist types really living the life. They were so cool I hope to see them and hang around them again.

I am living with my parents down the cape on an island with no job no money and limited internet access. Needless to say I am quite stuck. Plus my parents are continually telling me how everything I do and say is wrong always will be wrong, what r u stupid? dont u see reality? are a few of the sayings oh and my mom told me and nate she should have never been allowed to breed nice huh? i dont think telling me a constantly suicidal person that they suck all the time is good parenting do you?

i thought coming back here was going to be good. Instead they r making me get foodstamps and apply for all these social services just like when I was 18. They tell me when to wake up what to do etc. I hate it.

I think I am going to try and save some cash from selling graphic design work and artwork and get a van and like chris farley said be the person who lives in a van down by the river.

i dont want a "job" I learned in San Diego you do not need one to survive. I want to live and paint and create art. In my parents house they do not let me do anything creative really they consider it a "mess" and if the "mess" isnt cleaned up within an hour or so my mother comes and puts it away. She doesnt get art cant be "put away' you need to live with it study it and hang around it while u work on it.   They are making it almost impossible for me to get out of their house with all the rules and regulations and limitations they have set upon me. Never mind all the negativity and meanspirited comments they r spouting at me.

I hope to get out of here soon. Im going to see Eddie Vedder in TN next wednesday and stay with a friend in TN for a week. I cant wait to be an adult for awhile. It will be nice.

Then I may hitch to New Mexico at the beginning of July not sure yet where my road leads but I know its out of here.

i hope to see some metal shows if possible while Im here. I hope to get out at some point. I miss everybody that I hung out with here. I hope to see u all again soon..
peace. love. freedom