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A HAPLESS VICTIM OF HIS OWN ELITIST SNOBBERY
I probably said some pretty fucking stupid things over the phone the other day to a potential employer and I've got this deep rooted feeling that word is going to spread like fucking cancer all over Hollywood (or at least all over the job search websites out here) - because I blew my top at someone over at the HR department at CAA ( that's Creative Artists Agency for those who don't know) - and to even monkey wrench my already ego inflated testicles even more tighter: calling to gloat about it to my old friends at Sony Pictures Television probably even made matters worse for me.
I'll get the transcripts of my yelling match a little later this afternoon, but first - just a reminder:
On the weekend of October 17th and 18th - I'll be appearing at this year's Alternative Press Expo - APE for short peddling away my latest in Deposit Man pamphlet paraphrenia with my very special guest and occasional hang out buddy, Ms. Sex in Stilettos. She'll be appearing for a couple of hours to sign away autographs and talk about her personal hunt for David Carradine's gonad strangler or any other subject to do with Thailand other than the price of Kobe beef. That's nine days away, my little pretties- be sure to circle those calenders with those Tide fade pens - so that when the date eventually passes - it won't leave a filthy bathtub ring behind. The event takes place at the San Francisco Concourse rain or shine. Travel info in the link ( Hint - it's highlighted in blue).
Once I get that shindig out of the way - I'm flying back to Burbank for a day and then leaving immediately for New York for nine to ten days. I might have an event planned there or not. But rest assured, I'll be getting some of the latest Deposit Man issues in some comic book specialty stores for all you starving for my attention east coasters.
So I got everything all mapped out:
Reservations at some seedy motel joint two blocks away from the convention site in San Francisco. Check.
Paid for a ad to appear in the free giveaway guide at APE - see my profile pic for preview. Check
Made flight reservations: my itinerary is Southwest for San Francisco and Jet Blue for New York. Check
Of course, I'll be packing my Saturday Morning DVDs for travel - a subject which I feel needs updating for next week's blog.
Alright - before I break for lunch: some shout outs to some other miniscule activities and friends' personal triumphs:
Since I dropped a shitload of cash last week making my travel arrangements ( close to a $1,000.00 believe it or not) - I decided that not going to the first annual Long Beach Comic Con was not in my current unemployed financial interest - so I skipped out on going over there. However- if my current cover artist Christopher Moonlight had managed to secure a table to sell his paintings, I would've made the extra effort to be there. I was kinda hoping I would've gotten a chance to hang out with one of my top Myspace gal pals, Love Simone- but since she never replied to my e-mail about whether or not she was going, I figured I'd save a small amount of unnecessary throw away lucre on train travel and door admission- instead I went to the West Hollywood Book Fair last Sunday where they had a comic book section to peruse through. I would've wanted to get a table there - but once again, I was riding on Christopher Moonlight to get a table at Long Beach, and by the time I inquired about West Hollywood: - table space over there was also sold out. So I just coasted through here just to relax and listen to lectures with fellow comic book writer colleague Joshua Dsyart (whose DC Vertigo's incarnation of the Unknown Soldier is getting major kudos from media magazines such as Entertainment Weekly- not bad for a kid from Venice Beach), and witnessed long time Amazing Spider-Man writer Gerry Conway get roasted by a bunch of local comedians such as Sax Carr, for killing off Spider-Man's long departed girlfriend, Gwen Stacy from way back in 1973. Gerry Conway also happens to be known as a veteran television writer - serving as story editor on Law & Order: Criminal Intent and had written ( by his account of what he told me): 15 episodes of the series along with 2 of the mothership series: Law & Order. On the panel there was barely a mention of his television writing contributions - but at least I recognized his name in the opening credits of each episode I've tuned into. He told me working on Law & Order was a dream come true for him since he remembers watching Perry Mason at the age of three or four - WHEN IT ORIGINALLY FIRST AIRED.
 Separated at birth? Above - Gwen Stacy ( horribly murdered by being pushed off the Brooklyn Bridge by the Green Goblin in front of Spider-Man as notated by Law & Order writer Gerry Conway way back in 1973 ) and below - a long time ago - a very long time ago Cary Coatney high school gal pal, Linda Freeman who's still very alive and kicking and creating a master race of equally talented blondes such as herself, just had her oldest daughter Amanhda finish a guest starring role on Law & Order: SVU - What a freaky coin winky-dink! Art of Gwen Stacy by Adam Hughes.
And in another mind blowing coincidence - I just found out this morning that my one time once upon a time high school sweetheart, Linda Freeman ( now Yarosh, and who just could have been a reality check doppelganger for Spidey's dear departed girlfriend, Gwen Stacy)'s oldest daughter - Amahnda has just completed a role on a Law & Order: Special Victims Unit episode to be aired during November sweeps. I think that's just freakin' magnificent of her. I have to get around to introducing her to my step nephew, who's out in New York working for the director of the Hurt Locker- whatever her name is. They could just facebook each other if they want and become megastars and end up ruling the world. But not until after I'm done with it.
Oh, and today's Amanhda's seventeenth birthday, and she's not allowed to be on my myspace page list of harlots - but Happy Birthday nonetheless ( and did I fail to mention that her younger sister, Danika is acting in a major Broadway play called Billy Elliot?)
To recap past blogs: For the past six months are so, things have been real topsy turvy of late. Been laid off, had moved all my belongings from the treacherous wilds of HAZELTINE HELLMOUTH before I could have been detected by Rikki Lixxx and her hostile hoard of Frankenstein Jr. & Pimp Lurch zombies. Wound up moving to Brentwood and lived there for six months with my panty sniffing roomie Harry P whom in the past has had natural media exposure in serving a jail sentence for furnishing drugs to a famous television star's son. Finding out the hard way that Brentwood wasn't really in my price of living scale, was forced to move back to Sherman Oaks to room with one of my sister's neighbors whose only mental conception of hygiene is to fart in a wine bottle and to cork it to see if any of his wishes happens to comes true.
Hi Genie - Get it?
Another reason for my defection had to be chalked up to Harry P working his job from his house and every day other than every Thursday when I need to pen this blog, I'm computerless and therefore, I need to see what job listings there are out there- because those days of walking into a office, asking for a application to fill out: they're fucking gone for good. Everything is now online.
And everything you practically see to get a job is only on the net- and lot of that intel does not come free.
I pay $30.00 for six months of intel of what jobs are out there in the entertainment field - without the interference of fucking agencies who prance around a maypole looking to perform a vasectomy on every potential contractor who walks through their door.
The pickings have been few and far inbetween. I had a interview with a company called Partizan Entertainment for a accounting position - but if I were to score that position - it wouldn't start until November, (hence planning my trips back to back) since I would be replacing someone who's retiring. That was the only lead and interview I've had since late June. Last Friday, I got a phone call , an omen that signified that change was about to come.
I didn't answer the phone because I thought it was the cable people coming to fix my connection. Haven't had my own cable for half a year - the only good thing I've got going since moving to this shithole ( did I fail to mention that someone got murdered here some five months back and my 12 year old niece had to go into hiding for a while - in case she was a material witness?) - but the phone call from someone at the Human Resources department at CAA.
The woman left this message in which her name was really garbed. Couldn't make out what it was....
nonetheless - they said on the phone that I would be a "likely candidate" for the TV Research Assistant. Which is way the fuck up my alley.
I couldn't return the phone call until Monday morning because I didn't retrieve the message until 1 AM Saturday morning. Other than waiting around getting the cable fixed, I started making all my travel arrangements to San Francisco and New York
I returned the phone call Monday morning - and no matter how many times I told the receptionist the person's name or who I could make out I needed to talk to- the more confusing it got to patch through - then finally I said just put me through to the HR department.
I get the HR department and I find out the person who answers the phone there is the exact same person who left me the message (what a relief). We talk for a little while and she reminds me that I did not specify what my salary requirements would be. I never put down on my resume what my salary requirements are - I don't care what the fuck whether future employers ask to put them on my resume or not - it's something to be discussed privately between the employer and the employee. Same nonsense goes to what I got paid in the past. Nobody's business but my own. So I told her on the phone that I was willing to low ball myself and ask for fifteen an hour to start as probation. She tells me - well, that is a little much more than we anticipated. We do pay between $27 k and $ 29 k with benefits and a 401 k. Plus overtime may be required.
" Well, actually - doesn't it work out the same? I mean, five or six grand off the top I made on the job last year was made possible through overtime. That sounds fine to me."
"Ok - we'll call you back later this afternoon to arrange time for an interview sometime tomorrow."
So an hour slips by and then another, and while I'm showering to go out to get some lunch - they leave a voicemail.
I go to retrieve the phone message and after listening to it, I get all blistered red in the face.
" Um, Mr. Coatney - this is so and so from CAA and after going over your resume again, we regret that we can not hire you....
....because you do not have a four year's bachelor's degree in media communications. Thank you and good luck with all your future endeavors."
Click.
What the fuck?
When I first heard that - I said to myself over and over- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? You mean, I need a college degree in order to make less than $15.00 an hour at this job??
I wasn't going to take this lying down. I gotta find out why they're acting like their shit don't stink. I'm just dying to know....
But the answer is going to have to wait until next week and wait until you read what my ex-supervisor at Sony Pictures Television's reaction to this episode was..
5:29 PM
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