I think I'm officially an adult. I've put all of my monthly bills under my name, I'm paying my parents monthly to eliminate an outstanding balance I owe my father, I'm trying to give my own business the momentum to take off and support me and the family I'm starting to plan.

It feels strange to call myself a man, though. I still automatically jump to call myself a kid, to call my friends boys and girls. I feel like I'm caught in limbo, with my brain telling me it's time to take on full adult responsibility, right down to shopping for renters' insurance and budgeting for things like toothpaste and glass cleaner; my heart, though (or is it my scared inner child?), is telling me I can milk a few more irresponsible months out of my parents - maybe I can convince them to cover a few more insurance payments or handle my taxes for just one more year.

But here's where I'm landing: I'm terrified of cutting all my lifelines. It's scary to think that I'm about to stop straddling the man/boy line. I'm looking at an existence where if I screw up, I don't have anyone to look at desperately for "just one more chance, please!" There won't be a parachute for me, and I'll either have to make one for myself or feel the full impact of any and every mistake I make in the future.

I'm worried that I don't know enough to survive without my dad looking over my shoulder when I plot my finances or prioritize my business plan.

I definitely don't like the idea of knowing that anything and everything that happens is going to be a direct result of decisions I've made. It's creepy to put on the magic hat and become the master of my destiny. There won't be any more smoke and mirrors. No more disappearing problems. No more freebies.

Honestly, I've never been so scared in my life.

But I know I won't be happy if I'm not scared. Being scared pushed me to learn, grow, and accomplish more than I ever could have in some comfortable, less frightening position.

Had I not been terrified that the public school system was horribly misrepresenting the information they taught me in high school, I never would have started reading alternative philosophies, banned books, and underground media. It might not have increased my knowledge, but I learned a lot about looking for more than one point of view.

Had I not been entirely afraid of failing as a musician, I never would have researched booking tours, networking, advertising, business practices, and mass communication. Why would I need all that if I was comfortable with how well the band would do without any help?

If dying anonymously didn't scare the shit out of me, you can bet I would not be who I am today. I'm still scared that I'll disappear into the majority a generation after I die, and I'm entirely willing to attribute 100% of my ambition to that fear. I'll stop trying to achieve something great when I can confidently say that I've changed the lives of millions; so be it if the change is only a minor triumph in technological convenience; if I can affect the evolutionary curve of technology, I'll rest easy.

My fears have powered every major beneficial change in my life, and because of that, I can confidently step out of the comfort of my dependence on my parents. I'm scared shitless, but I'll take that fear and turn it into a home for myself and my future family and, if I stay true to my goals, a legacy that will outlive me.

Wish me luck, World, because I'm taking off my parachute.