Now I'm a very REAL and down to earth kinda person so ...

LET ME FIRST SAY THIS... I am a single mother who works a Full-time job to support myself and my 8 year old daughter.  I make enough to get by & still be a little fly, but that's about it...FOR NOW...

Having said that.... IF I'D HAD THE MONEY TO HAVE SURGERY, ANY OF THE  WEIGHT LOSS SURGERIES, OR IF MY INSURANCE COMPANY WOULD HAVE COVERED IT, IM 95% SURE THAT I WOULD'VE DONE JUST THAT... However .. THAT WASN'T THE CASE. 

So for anyone out there struggling to lose weight, but can feel me when I say that, FINANCIALLY, or for ANY OTHER REASON, the surgery is NOT an option,  please keep reading take a few moments of your time to see how I found my motivation to make it happen...  peace & blessings & a lifetime of encouragement to you!!!

I had always been a bit on the heavy side. People usually called me thick, big, fluffy even.  Subsequently, because of the names I was called, I didn't like being over weight, yet I still had confidence in myself and felt good about who I was... I still felt beautiful on the inside.  But the older I got... the heavier I got... the more it started to bother me. Obviously though, not enough to make me actively do anything to change it.  I mean I had thought about it, but that's about it.

        In Jr High... I weighed around 150-160lbs which  is pretty heavy for a 12 year old.  I'd always wanted to be a cheerleader or in the drill team even... but for a girl my height & my weight, that was exactly that... A thought.

          In high school, I was 4'10" and weighed about 170 lbs. I was pretty big, but wore it well. And by that I mean I was very well proportioned. I wore a size 36C bra, had huge thunder thighs, wide hips, and a big ole butt to match!  Rarely did any of my peers call me names or tease me because of my weight (at least not to my face or to my knowledge)  And if they did, I didn't care much.  I believe I was spared the "fat jokes" mostly because I was an overall good person who always smiled, was nice to everyone without discrimination, and because I had a bubbly, light-hearted personality. I think that since I was always nice & considerate of others people returned the favor.   My creed in life, is, was, and shall always be... " Do unto others as you would have them do unto you..."  So the majority of my peers accepted me for the girl I was inside, regardless of how big I was on the outside.  And I think that by me being accepted for who I was, regardless of how big, I guess I still didn't really see much urgency in losing weight.  I'd thought about it, but that's about it, all I was doing at this point, was still THIKING about it...

My 11th grade year of high school I met and eventually married my ex-husband of a 6 year marriage.  We took vows at the age of 19... our daughter, currently age 9, was born about a year and half later.  We were separated by the age of 21 because he had an affair that I forgave him for about a month after it happened.  But after a little over a year had passed since I'd originally found out, when things had SEEMINGLY gotten back on track, she (his mistress) called me on my cell phone while I was shopping at Wal-Mart, completely out of the blue, to tell me she was 2 maybe 3 months pregnant with MY husbands child and she was keeping it.

 Needless to say, I was totally, completely, and utterly devastated. I had thought, after the 1^st time it happened, that it was just a fling and that it was just one of those things that just happens. I thought it was over between them the 1^st time I caught them together, and that it was nothing more than sex. But I was so wrong and it hurt so bad. In my eyes, I had been as good a wife as I could have been. I cooked his meals, cleaned his clothes, loved him & provided for him even when he wasn't able to hold things down on his own. I performed any & every "wifely duty" as necessary, as required, as requested... most importantly though... he did it once.. and I had forgiven him, but he does it again??? This is what I get in return???? The news of her pregnancy hit me hard and I had a very hard time dealing with it. Though never really serious, I had contemplated suicide - all because I was so unhappy...I kept blaming myself and thinking it was something that I had done ot didn't do enough of.... For a moment in time, I had given up on life. I figured it would be impossible to find a man who was willing to love & accept me for who I am as a person, and love me unconditionally, especially with a small child.  I sometimes blamed myself for him cheating because I had gained weight, but that still didn't make sense to me, because I was already overweight when he supposedly fell in love and married me.  Even still, I know that the extra weight couldn't have helped the situation any.  I had seriously started thinking about losing some weight at this point in my life, but that was all I continued to do, was think about it.

      During the first year or so after our separation, I went through a stage of self-doubt, self-pity, depression, and anger. I felt like a failure and could never quite figure out where I went wrong or what I did or didn't do enough of. For a moment, I felt like I'd lost myself. I was scared to move on because I was too busy looking back.  I doubted there was a man who could truly look at me inside & out and think and know with every inch of his being..... "She is Beautiful..." 

I had come to realize that the "who I was" was not the "who" that I wanted nor had the potential to be. The 'who' that I was then made me unhappy, because by this point, I stood 4'10" tall and weighed every bit of 226 lbs! I was twice as big as I should be for a person my height, and I could tell.... life was twice as heavy and even worse, I was twice as unhealthy.

 I had 2 major breaking points that contributed largely to my decision to get serious about losing weight. The first of the 2 happened one night after taking a bath. I was sitting there, in the tub looking at all of the body that was completely filling up the tub, thinking "these thighs are ridiculous!" I reached up to let the stopper out so the water could drain.  I bent my knees so I could stand up & get out. And then, as I stood, I heard this 'swooshing' sound, as all the water that been caught behind my back and around my hips rushed swiftly down the drain. It was sad I tell ya. My hips were so wide that they sealed up the entire tub so that no water could get by when I was draining it. I stood on up, looked at myself in the mirror of the medicine cabinet and just cried. Still...it wasn't quite enough to make me actively pursue doing something about it. I was seriously thinking about losing some weight, but at this point, it was still just a thought.

Early 2001 - I CHANGED MY MIND!  

My second & final breaking point came while shopping @ The Avenue, a plus-size women's clothing store. I picked up a pair of stretch; size 24 jeans and they barely went all the way up on my hips. So I go get me a size 26, also stretch, same brand jeans, and even they just barely fit and were way too tight. It was like deja vu. There I was again, standing in front of a mirror, crying because I was so unhappy about my weight. At that moment, I made up in my mind that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE WOULD I BUY A SIZE 28 JEANS. I decided that I would, from that point on, do WHATEVER IT TOOK to lose weight and get to a comfortable size so I could stop having to look in the mirror and not be satisfied. 

I CHANGED THE COMPANY I KEPT...I made it a point to surround myself with a wonderful circle of family, friends, and co-workers who wanted nothing more than to see me succeed... people who motivated me to keep on and constantly complimented me on the hard work and made mention every time they noticed a change. My parents, sisters, and a few my really close friends were the best support group a girl could ever ask for.  And I had one friend particularly who motivated & inspired me to DO MORE and to BE MORE, my very BEST FRIEND since 1991,  DeJuan. Although away in the navy and on the other side of the country most of our adult lives, he has been & still is such an inspiration to me. He ALWAYS had something positive to say, NEVER A NEGATIVE WORD, and I mean NEVER. I don't think I can remember him ever using the word can't unless he was referring to giving up. Most importantly he reminded me, as often as he could, that I could do anything I wanted, and that it's ALL in MY MIND.  I remembered the dedication he had to making sure that he was on top of his game, in every aspect of life, especially physically. He worked out on a daily basis to have a monster, incredible hulk kind of body to go with that million dollar smile, and he had to work VERY hard to get where he is now, so why shouldn't, and more importantly, why couldn't I?

I WAS MUCH MORE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT I ATE... So I completely changed my eating habits...the most dramatic being the time of day I ate the largest meals.  Most weeks, eating only a 6" tuna sandwich from Subway every weekday for lunch, sometimes I ate the tuna by itself...without the bread even.  I learned that a meal does not have to fit a certain standard... who says a sandwich HAS to have 2 slices of bread?  Who said you HAVE to eat chips with it or french fries with your burgers? 

I learned to monitor & limit my caloric intake and I either drank water or iced tea. I used to LOVE kool-aid, soda & juice, but when you start to realize how much sugar you intake with just 1 serving, you learn to think twice about it.  I cut back the amount of snacks, training myself to be mindful that whatever you put into your body, you have to work it off if you want to maintain, so it became a simple choice... Honey Buns or Hips????????  Hmmmm... hard choice, but it's possible to make the right one.  

I went through my entire closet and threw away the vast majority of my plus-size clothes and replaced them with smaller clothes that I had convinced myself that I would get into regardless of how long it took. (And yes... I did that and then some!)  My new wardrobe mostly consisted of Nike athletic clothes & shoes. The motto "Just Do It" became my mental motivation whenever I didn't want to do anything that I didnt feel like doing. Anytime I felt lazy, or felt bad, I looked at a wrist band I'd bought that read, 'Just Do' it and that's exactly what I did.. I was sure to pray on a daily or more frequently/as needed basis.  Because as I've said before, it's purely mental.

Early 2002 ...I EXERCISED, AND YEP!!  I TOOK DIET PILLS TOO!  To aid in my weight loss I took Metabolife, which gave me tons of energy. And I began the Billy Blanks Tae Bo workout faithfully. I began with the 15-minute workout, 4-5, sometimes even 6-7 times per week, eventually graduating to the 20-minute workout. I admit that it was very hard and very discouraging at first, but it each time it became more of a challenge... and each day it got easier and easier, and fun even.   And after 2 years of Metabolife (I stopped taking it after they took the ephedra out) and Tae Bo, I had successfully lost over 60 lbs! I was looking good and feeling good! But even with all my new-found energy, motivation, and inspiration, I still experienced bad days, lazy weeks, and crazy months. I had distractions & disappointments, and times when I felt that even though I had accomplished so much on my own, it had taken me so long to get there that I felt discouraged at how much longer it might still take to get where I actually wanted to be. So I talked to my doctor, who prescribed a weight loss medicine called Adipex (the generic brand was called Phentermine). I took it once a day for about 6-7 months and given that extra energy, and the appetite suppressant, I had successfully lost, in 6-7 months an additional 40lbs, bringing me to a grand total of 102 lbs total weight loss in 2 1/2 years. I was finally at the point that I was somewhat satisfied. My Doctor wanted me to weigh around 110-115. But at 120lbs I felt like I was far too skinny, I wasn't happy being that small. So here I am today, at a very comfortable 135lbs, happy as a lark.  Please STAY mindful that absolutely No pill can magically make you lose weight without you also putting in some effort.  The more effort you put into it, the more results you will see.  It's in your head, and I can't say that enough.  You can make it happen and see results as fast or as slow as YOU decide...  It's YOU that controls your BRAIN... not your stomach!

I tell this story because I want to motivate other people to accomplish their goals. To inspire others to find & obtain whatever it is in life that they really want. Go for it and MAKE it happen. You can't expect things to just happen without putting in some work. I want everyone to know that the mind is a terrible thing to waste, and to realize that God gave us all a brain. It's up to us to decide how much we use it to obtain the things we want, whether it's a better job, a nicer car, or a body like a super model...ANYTHING is possible to those that believe. I may not have all the things I want out of life yet, but I am certainly working on them and will have them. I want everyone who doesn't already know to just try it, because I am living proof... I did it, i did it, I did it and I am dayum proud of it!!! 

Don't just think about it.... Do it!