GUIDELINES FOR READING JENNIFER (EOLIN'S) PROJECT RUNWAY BLOG:
* Jennifer has over 9 years of experience as a reality show producer/writer
* Jennifer has a short fuse
* Jennifer is also unemployed
* Ergo, Jennifer is a hot mess and you can't take anything she says seriously...
except when she criticizes leggings. Cuz she seriously means that, ya'll.
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Last week on Project Runway:
We were all bored to tears.
Zzzzz....
The designers had to make an outfit in the style of Trashy Vegas--oops, Bob Mackie--
for Lady Gaga. Wasn't it? OH right, it was her tranny cousin, Christina Aguilera.
Carol Hannah chalks up her first win!
And Shirin is auf'd for absolutely NO GOOD REASON.
Nicolas made a repeat of his Ice Queen outfit and is still there. WHY???
Christopher is still there despite being in the bottom countless times. WHY???
And last, but not least,
Ebony was auf'd during their recess inspired "Model Kickball" team line-up.
Dammit, kids, this season blow donkey bits.
WHY AM I OUT OF BAILEY'S?!?
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When I turned on Project Runway this week all I could think was, "Wow I'm tired. Do I have a hangnail? I gotta do laundry tomorrow. Oh and I should dust. (zones out for 13 minutes while focusing on a spec on the ceiling that turns out to be a dead spider which turns out to be dust) Did my dog just toot? Why am I single? Do I need a new hoodies? WHY ISN'T PROJECT RUNWAY OVER YET???"
Sigh....
I have to admit it. This episode bored the living bone marrow out of me. How is Bunim/Murray doing it? How are they filling a whole hour with absolutely NOTHING??? I know people said things, and clothes were made. BUT HOLY OYSTER SHUCKERS. So little content. So little anything. They went to Rodeo Drive and I was BORED. They could have gone to Big Lots, same excitement level. ANGRY FISTS!
Sooooooooooooo. Since I have NOTHING to say about the nothing that happened, I'm doing a photo-cap blog again. About nothing.
"But I love shows about nothing!"
The designers are taken on a "field trip" to Rodeo Drive to Michael Kors store.
(Say "Michael Kors Store" 3 times fast.)
As you can see, the excitement is palpable.
Nicolas: "My concealer can't hide my disappointment."
Carol Hannah: "I wish I was standing next to Logan."
Althea: "Where am I?"
Irina: "I'm in front of all you bitches for a reason. Cuz I'm awesome."
Logan: "I'm standing next to myself. God I'm hot."
Gordana: "I have immunity, I have-- oh crap."
Christopher: "I still ain't go no learnin'! But I'm wearing a hoodie, wheeee!!"
Tim Gunn: "Designers, Disco Pumpkin has graciously let us into his west coast flagship here on the pretentiously horrid Rodeo Drive."
Michael Kors: "Hi, guys. I'm stupid hungover today after a bender at Sky Bar with Garcia. So no talkie so loudy."
Michael issues the challenge of using the locales that have inspired Michael Kors over the years to design something either "real" or "imaginary."
(Nicolas immediately started drawing unicorns...)
Tim Gunn: "Michael, this is neither the time nor the place for family photos.
Nobody cares."
Each designer gets to pick a different location:
Carol Hannah picks Palm Beach
Nicolas passes on NYC and chooses Greece
Althea picks St. Tropez
Gordana takes NYC
Irina chooses Aspen
Christopher picks Santa Fe
Logan ends up with Hollywood
30 minutes to sketch!
Picture pages, picture pages, time to get your picture pages.Time to grab your crayons and your pencils!
Picture pages, picture pages, open up your picture pages,
And now it's time for Tim Gunn to do a picture page with you!
Off to Mood!
Tim Gunn: "Kids, you have $150 and one day to complete this disasterously boring challenge. Don't muck it up! Nicolas, I'm looking at you, young man."
Christopher: "What are you going to make?"
Gordana: "I don't know yet."Christopher: "Me either. I just know it'll be ugly."
Logan: "Damn, that's a mighty fine dress form."Carol Hannah: "He's just not that into me. But it's okay, cuz I read the book
and I know I'm a stone-cold fox who deserves more.
LOGAN LOOK AT ME I AM RIGHT HERE, DAMMIT!!!!"
Irina: "This is where I want to kick Althea. Right here."
"Sigh. I'm asking for more money next season."
Tim Gunn: "Who let you in this competition?"Althea: "I don't know. I just showed up."
Tim Gunn: "That makes sense to me."
Tim Gunn: "For the love of God, must I do this myself?"
Irina: "I don't need you."
Tim Gunn: "You can't have me."Irina: "Good, because I don't care."
Tim Gunn: "Well that makes two of us."
Irina: "I'm going to win, you know."
Tim Gunn: "Who are you, Fox News during an election year? Shut it, already."
Atreyu: "Falcor! We must fight The Nothing! The Swamps of Sadness have taken over the show!"
Falcor: "I know, Atreyu, but first, noogies."
Nicolas: "I made gray pants. How fashion forward is that??"Tim Gunn: "Okaaaaaay. How about a shirt to go with it?"
Nicolas: "OH MY GOD, you are so smart, just like Bill Mackie."
Tim Gunn: "BOB Mackie."
Nicolas: "Whatevs. Love that queen."
RUNWAY DAY:
"Yackety-shmackety, Macy's wall."
"I am trying to be happy in these boots. But they don't go with my outfit AT ALL. I really want to yell because the person who dresses me has been HORRIBLE this season, but I don't want to yell, because model's are perfect...POOP BROWN! THE BOOTS ARE POOP BROWN WITH A BLACK DRESS!
SUEDE POOP WITH BLACK PLEATHER! KLUM SMASH!"
Mila Jovovich: "I was in Zoolander, so I'm totally qualified to be here."Nina Garcia: "I disagree."
Michael Kors: "I'm still hungover so I will not be very witty at all in this episode."
Heidi Klum: "POOP BROWN! DAMMIT!"
SAFE:
ALTHEA - St. Tropez:
"I wear short shorts!"
Althea wonders how nobody has made this outfit yet because it sooo screams Saint Tropez. Um, no it doesn't. It's shorts, a tank and a filmy shirt. Big whoop.
The wheel has not been re-invented here. This is about as safe as one can get.
But, there are even safer outfits to be had, so this week, Althea is SAFE. Again.
TOP TWO:
Carol Hannah - Palm Beach:
"Uli does it better."
Meh. It's a dress.
Nothing innovative.
Nice print, nice details, but it's a safe dress.
But I guess it's one of the better garments of this boring bunch.
Sigh...
Gordana - New York City:
"Thank God it's not hot pants again this week."
This dress I can see being sold on Rodeo Drive.
This is the only one out of the bunch I can see being sold there.
My only criticism is in the construction, there seems to be some pulling at the seams.
Also, let's give "the girls" some coverage, hmmm?
The necklace detaches so you can wear it with a tank and jeans.
Gordana has been so beaten down in this competition that she just
immediately starts apologizing for her outfit.
STOP IT! (smacks nose with rolled up newspaper)
Gordana, you have talent. Deal with it!
WINNER:
Irina - Aspen:
"At least there's a hoodie involved."
Irina really things that she's reinvented Aspen, but I've seen this before.
This is boring and safe. THIS is definitely Aspen, but it's old Aspen.
I don't want to sip champagne in the lodge. Especially if Irina is there.
The judges love that this outfit is about a person who won't ski, but will be a snow bunny at the lodge. Isn't that classy way of saying, "Snow Slut"?
The construction is amazing though, I will give her that.
But it shouldn't have won.
Booooo.
BOTTOM TWO:
Logan - Hollywood:
"Doin' the hand-jive, baby!"
OH LOGAN. You are saved only by your hotness and your love for bacon. This is so oddly not Hollywood that I can't stand it. Yes, I know I dress like a weird old lady who instead of cartigans wears hoodies and am really not qualified at all to judge fashion, but still, we all know I'm right.
I don't think the Lohans or Olsens of this world would wear that outfit. Maybe if Friends were still on the air and it was 1995, Monica might take it for a spin. Just saying.
Kors: "They are clothes, not fashion."
See? This biddy was right!
Christopher - Santa Fe
"If Working Girl needed a weekend outfit, this would be it."
CHRISTOPHER! Baby, I heart you cuz you heart hoodies, but JEEZ LOUISE!
This is hideous.
First - that belt. TACKY and GROSS. So 80's and so booo.
That dress. It's made for a 60-year-old woman
who doesn't realize it's age inappropriately short.
You are lucky Matar is so beautiful as she helps sells this disaster.
Michael nails it with: "I don't think anyone whose every though about the American mid-west would ever get that from this look."
Mila loves the 1983 belt. WHY? WHY?
AUF'D:
Nicolas - Greece
"What. Is. Up. With. My. Hair???"
Nicolas admits that this outfit isn't from Greece, "But I can see people wearing it."
Swift, Nicolas. I can see people wearing Hefty Bags (Christopher!) but it doesn't mean it should happen.
I think if Nicolas had stuck with NYC he'd be in the top or safe.
He simply missed the geography and the inspiration of the challenge.
And it's all because he hates hoodies. I'm sure of it.
Michael Kors: "I think you got Grease the movie with John Travolta and Olivia Newton John." Bango, buddy.
So off goes Nicolas. THANK GOODNESS.
Next up, Christopher!
NOTE TO PRODUCERS: Let's be a little more careful how you cut the promos for Models of the Runway. Because of the "next week on MOTR" tease I knew that Christopher didn't get cut this week. (You had Katie saying, "I just want to tell Christopher to pump it up!" Yeah. Mystery over.) And that knowledge made this already boring episode all the more boring and predictable.
Seriously. Ambien should call you about bottling this show.
SNOOZE FEST!
"The Nothing is over, hooray!"
Next week on PR:
The designers face away from the runway - wow! Crazy!
Althea thinks Logan is copying a previous look.
I can feel my coma developing as I type.
"Call my name, Tim Gunn! Please! Save us!"
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Models of the Runway Round-Up will be posted tomorrow, Monday Oct. 26th.
Sorry for the delay, everyone.
If you feel the need to spank me, I'll accept my punishment gracefully.
Ahem.
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photos, blogs and more!
Until next time,
Make it work!