I was hanging out with Michelangelo - yeah, the fuckin ninja turtle -
and i said "hey, would you mind teaching me something?" He said "no
problemo, dude!" He said "let's get started." I said "ok." I was ready.
Mikey then said "do exactly what i tell you. First kneel down and close
your eyes." I did this with great anticipation. "Now tilt back your
head while picturing yourself in a Japanese water garden. Once you have
that image clear in your mind, begin meditating." I did all of these
things without questioning why. After about 4 minutes, my meditation
was disturbed by an exhausted sounding "cowabunga" followed by
approximately 6 ounces of hot slimy business blasting my face. I opened
my eyes only to see 3 fingers still clutching a majestic olive green
mutant turtle cock. Bummer. In the aftermath, all i could say was "what
gives, Mikey!?" He simply replied, "now you know the secret of the
ooze." I started to come to my senses and became a little angry. I told
him that he was a real asshole and i did not want to be his friend. He
seemed shocked by my reaction and tried to justify his behavior. His
retort was this, "Aww man, you knew i was a party dude." I can no
longer look at myself in the mirror with imaging that ninja sperm-wad.
I have only one option at this point. Sewercide.