Episode 1 ( Chepa the Jew and The Dominican Hairdressers)

As your elected Chief it is my responsibility... no my duty, to bring you the absolutest of truths. These accounts are not BOATS* nor refurbishings, but actual occurrences.

One of my loyal squaws that resides in the Washington Heights hood district provided me with this testimonial during weekly rituals.

While tending to the bi-weekly Dominicanization of her hair at a local Salon, said Squaw witnessed the following events. As the hair dryers howled and the gossip ensued a dramatic entrance brought all activity to a halt. In walks "Chepa". Who is this Chepa character? Chepa is a local Hasidic man who sells his cheap trinkets for the inviting price of 50 cents. The "genius" of Chepa's business is the diverse range of garbage that he peddles in other established places of commerce and service. Chepa's "goods" run the gamut of everything from leggings, to single pieces of weave (colored Washington Heights burgundy even), from ear rings and watches, to winter hats and assorted brick-a-bracks. ALL FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE OF 50 cents! (pardon the "!", I know that "!" is ghey, but it was necessary)

If Chepa's smorgasbord of shit doesn't have you drooling, his sales method is SURE to catch you in an irreversible camel clutch. Chepa parades in with these items totally tossed at random in a large box, then dumps the box upside down spilling all the assorted craplings in a large pile in the middle of the salon.
"Bu-bu-bu-but WAIT it gets worse"
He walks out and then back in again with ANOTHER BOX and spills its contents onto the pile. Chepa repeats this process only about SIX times.
but oooooooh the plot thickens. The hairdressers in their infinite wisdom know better than to pass up a deal. I mean surely an opportunity to procure pointless flapdoodle only comes around once in a pink (more like every Sunday). I mean its not like there are customers waiting. While all patrons sit feigning patience, the esteemed salon's employees all dive in. Crawling on their hands and knees they rummage through the pile to get first dibs on choice poultices of 50-cent goodness.
"No luche, mujeres" (Don't fight ladies), Chepa advises in their native tongue.

PAUSE.

Let's end this episode here with a TO BE CONTINUED.. (prolly like neva)

Your Homework:
You know that piss smelling bum that sells loose newports and bootleg CDs in the barbershop in a hood near you? Recruit him with a tantalizing 10-dollar bill. Escort this hood merchant to either Crown Heights (Section F of course as my main man Levi put it) or the non gentry part of Williamsburgghgggghh. (pronounced Villiamsbrugkgkggkg) Assist him in piling his sellable goods on the floor of a Hasidic hat store or bakery. Better yet, attempt to even get him past the invisible gates of Hacidsville. Of course, DO NOT forget to help him memorize his sales pitch in Yiddish. Observe and document results. Then report to your Chief.

God speed,
your elected Chief