Its happened. The one thing I dread from the moment I realized I had found him... losing him. My best friend, my support, my guidance, my (grand)father.

The memories will never leave, and I know now that every thing I see will remind me of him. But I plan on countering that tear with a smile. I know all the times we've had were good, and that we were both happiest when we were around eachother.

I would give anything to see that smile and watch his teeth fall out of his mouth again. Or hear one of those jokes that Ive heard a thousand times before. Or maybe just a little time to keep those promises that Ive made. I can only blame myself for not being there more often, putting a bigger smile on his face, and helping his heart beat a little faster, just becusae I gave him a few minutes out of my day.

This really really sucks... This is the first time ive ever felt anything like this. I am just waiting to ball my eyes out. But i hold back so bad every time I feel it coming. And when I watched the funeral home people come roll him onto a bag and carry him out, I can honestly say I saw my life flash before my eyes. And ever so peripherally, noticed my grandmother almost losing it herself.

For now, I can only live the life he would want me to live.
- I will excel in school
- I will coninue to play sports
- I will find a girl that makes me happy
- I will be working at ESPN
- I will take care of grandma

And to that phrase "you dont know what you got til its gone"...
Well, its even worse when you actually do know what you have, and you lose it.

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Come wednesday night, thats when it all comes out...




LOVE YOU GRAMPS!