Surprisingly I wasn't drunk when I wrote this but I
DID listen to all four Methadones CDs.
Here's the
State of the City in 2007: It's very rare that I get out of the house and go to shows these days but when I do, there's an endless barrage of questions asked in between and during the consumption of beers: "Hey dude, how's the magazine going? When's the next one coming out? What have you been up to? Do you have any Advil?" Well, let me just say that the next printed issue of Fat City is probably never coming out. Ever. Well, maybe if they finally release Spenser: For Hire on DVD I'll find some inspiration. I have a great idea for the finale but I think I might save it for a book instead. It's not that I dislike doing the magazine it's just that the magazine and music industry suck giant, sweaty, unwashed trucker gonads in a rest stop bathroom with one bare, 60-watt bulb swinging from a chord above the depravity.
I took it on the chin like a silicone-injected porn star the day Tower Records went under and when Thorp/Sailor's Grave snuck off like a thief in the night with my ad money – not to mention album advances and royalties for a bunch of good bands – I started to think, wow, these guys are fucking crooks. The hundred beans Takeover Records owes me that I'll never see? Yeah, that was probably my fault for not investigating that the label was run from some douche in a shitty fruitcake band. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, the magazine … it's kaput … as a printed entity. Distributors don't like to pay, paper costs a ton of money and I can't whore myself out and start three different magazines catering to emosexuals, street punks and metalcore hermaphrodites. Sorry but my fashion sense hasn't changed since 10th grade. I've got standards. And I like to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not see some sort of punk rock advertising money bucklebunny.
I know I've been talking a big game for the last three years but I'm hitting the home stretch with moving everything to the web. They have this new thing called video that I think is going to be huge. I might as well hop on board before it becomes the next big thing. Those of you who like what Fat City has to offer should still enjoy it although the coverage will be expanded. I'm not going to scrape a homeless guy's turd nugget off the sidewalk and claim it holds true to "the punk rock ethos," I'll leave that to Brett Gurewitz. He's doing a bang-up job (snicker, snicker…nice signings, buddy.) There will still be interviews with bands that are making good music and wanton cheap shots taken at ones that are in it for the money and think they're bigger than Jesus---Jones or Christ. There will also be interviews with people involved in the media and entertainment biz as well as sports coverage. Why? Because it's a hell of a lot more interesting than any of the bullshit that's been going on in "the scene" in years. I mean, those hacks in the recently reunited Rage Against the machine think they can "tear down the Bush Administration" by playing some nerd festival in California. Are they fucking serious? Were they ever relevant to anyone besides confused suburban white teens and befuddled "music critics?" You fucking phonies, go back to writing movie soundtrack songs with Chris Cornell for Vin Diesel flicks. I lost my train of thought again, stupid bullshit makes me go off on tangents. Bah!
If anyone wants to swap banner ads for T-shirt printing or buttons, drop me an email cause I need them both. Also, if you're a band, a label, or a cool business and want to take out ads with us on the new site they start at $50 a month. Up front. I don't want to have to beat up anymore poor mothers and steal their WIC checks to publish my shit. I retired my ski mask and snatch and grab moves after printing Issue 10.
One final thing, if you live in the US and want to help me clear space in my office, we're still running our fall cleaning special. You can buy ANY Fat City of your choice plus one of MY choice along with a minimum of 5 CDs, a bunch of coupons for Listerine and Boston Market, and a ton of other surprises by sending $5 (cash only) to our PO Box. And remember, it's for AMERICANS only, no Canadians, no Mexicans and definitely no Swedes. (These restrictions are due to postal rates only, not my xenophobia or jingoism.)
Until then, hey neighbor, have a 'Gansett and for the love of all things holy stop sending me motherfucking metal CDs. I just bring them down to the men's shelter to toss in the barrel fire while we pass around a bottle of Scope and get plastered!