OK, here’s what happened in Belfast tonight.
I spent most of the first twenty minutes roaming throughout the
crowd as a stream of people came in late, and I introduced myself to
them. There was Nicola, two Maeves, and Daniel sitting on his own. But
the guy that caught my eye was sitting right near the front in an
Australian Wallabies Rugby jumper.
Turns out he wasn’t Australian, nor had he been to Australia. He got
it from his wife. When I asked if she was Australian she said “Kind of.
I live here now, I grew up in Australia, but I’m originally from
Russia”. Wow. That is a combination I’ve never come across. I managed
to combine all three accents, then asked her name. She replied
“Valeria” (but pronounced to rhyme with Malaria).
How can one person have so much going on?
Russian/Australian/Northern Irish, and with a name of Valeria. I later
found out her surname was Grabanaka (I think). Valeria Grabanaka? It
sounds like a terrible disease. “I’m sorry Mrs Johnson, it seems you
have a rare strain of Valeria Grabanaka.”
They were a lovely couple though, and looked like this:
I started the second half by harassing a young man in the front row
with his mates. He looked like he was trying out for the X Factor, they
looked like they had just stolen a car. Since a woman called Grace was
taking a photo anyway, I called him onstage and we recreated a male
modelling pose from a bad fashion magazine. You know, where one guy
looks at his watch and the other looks off into the distance:
I then tried to spring him in a compromising pose, but it ended up looking like he had surprised me anally:
I believe the correct caption for this is: “It’s never a bad time to have your prostate checked”
The rest of the show was without incident, except for the moment a
few minutes from the end when I got completely thrown by a woman in the
front row, who looked a lot like someone I work with on Spicks and
Specks back in Australia. Maybe I’ve been away too long, but I thought
this lady really looked like Myf Warhurst. I had to stop and take a
photo, and promised to post it alongside a photo of Myf to prove my
point. You decide. First here’s Myf:
Now here’s Grace:
I’m just sayin’, they look a little alike. That’s all.
That’s all to report from tonight’s show. We sold a whole stack of t
shirts afterwards to raise money for Women’s Aid, and I went home to my
hotel. By the way, I wanna give a shout out to John the taxi driver,
who picked me up from Belfast Airport yesterday, drove me for an hour
and forty five to Derry, then picked me up this morning and drove me an
hour and forty five back to Belfast. As they say here – Good man
yerself.
Norwich tomorrow, and more to report I’m sure.
Goodnight now
Adam