The Learning Curve

As the tears finally dried, a certain distain replaced my pain.  It couldn't be explained any other way, in the beginning, I thought it was simple I was hurt because I didn't get my way. Or maybe it was the fact that I had lost, to someone else.  The thought of someone being better than me had my mind totally mesmerized.  I had long forgotten how it felt to lose, especially when it came to women, but that's exactly what happened.  But was that truly the reason for my pain, or was it deeper than that?  Whatever the reason was didn't matter at the time the only thing that mattered was making them pay.  When I say them I mean all of them, though it was only one woman who had caused the pain that I was feeling.  Every woman that I would encounter from now on would pay for her mistake. (I had truly learned nothing!)  For the next couple of years there wouldn't be a woman that crossed my path that would be able to get close to me.  She had made it bad for them all, and they didn't even know it.  I guess I'll start where you guys last saw me sitting in that damn car.

As I sat in my car I could think of only one person who could truly understand what I was going through, I also knew she was the only person up and willing to listen to me rant and rave about my troubles.  She was also one of the many people who warned me to be careful, as I punched the keys of my Nokia 6600, I could hear her words in the back of my mind "Christopher Be Careful, it seems like you have too much of yourself wrapped up in this chick." Damn, sometimes I wish I listened more!  If I did, I'd probably not have to hear the, I told you so speech as much as I did.  The phone rang twice before she picked up,

"Morning Steph, you alright?" (Attempting to hide the hurt in my voice.)

"Oh shit, the dead has arisen, what the hell are you doing up this early? (She asked with a chuckle following.)

I had done a good job hiding the hurt, but knowing her it wouldn't be long in this conversation before she recognized the sound in my voice and questioned me on it.  Stephanie, or Steph for short and I had been bestfriends now for the past two years, she was one of the few people who had seen past the arrogant sarcasm, and bullshit, to actually find out that I was a nice guy.  From then on we became very close, so close that anyone that I met thereafter would not only have to accept me, but also accept the fact that she was part of my life.  Though our relationship was completely platonic, it was still hard for most people I met to deal with, but that wasn't my problem that would be something that they would have to deal with.

"I'm cool just leaving her house, we decided that we wouldn't be seeing each other anymore."

"Are you serious?  Why, what happened? Wait you said ya'll decided, or do you mean she decided not to see you anymore?"

"Well I guess, you can say it was more her decision than mine, but in the end I guess I agreed that it was for the best."

"I told you her ass was going to hurt you, one of these days.  I knew she was no good what happen tell me all about it."

I hadn't really called to give her all the intricate details of what had happened, I just needed someone to talk to.  So sliding past most of the extras I got to the meat of my problem, and by the end of our conversation I had come to the same conclusion that I had arrived at sitting alone while confiding in myself.  No other woman on earth had a chance at getting close and if they did, it would be no time in the near future.  We talked for the next hour or two, before I went in the house and laid across the couch, powering my phone off and tossing it across the room.  I had no intentions of answering it, at least for today, and I wasn't in the mood for conversation from anyone, especially not from anyone of the female persuasion.  The minute I closed my eyes the visual began, my beautiful dreams had instantly became nightmares.  She had taken over my every thought when I was awake, and now she was taken over my dreams as I slept.  For the next couple of weeks it was bad, most of my time was spent alone reminiscing about the relationship that was now over.  That was until I decided the time for moping was over, it was time for me to get back in the game, better yet make my own game.