This one will crack you up:

I'm not sure how many of the hundred million and dropping Myspace users have gone through the "forgot my password" routine, but, just for the heck of it, someone please try this out and let me know if it's for real because I cannot believe the response from Myspace's main offices is a real response and I just want to be sure for my own sanity...

Like most of us, anytime I log onto my profile my computer remembers the password. A few days ago, for the first time in months, Myspace requested the password from me. I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was so, of course, I selected the "forgot my password" option and waited eagerly for the "immediate response" from the We-Never-Sleep Myspace support team.

One hour. Two hours. Nothing. I try again. Nothing. And yet again. Nothing. After clicking "forgot my password" about ten times and not getting a single reply, I decided to email the music support team directly. (Musicsupport@myspace.com)

Below is the actual reply from Myspace. It's got to be a joke but I'm pretty sure it's not which is why it's so bewilderingly hilarious:

Hello,

In order to verify your identity, we need to receive a salute from the owner of the MySpace profile or from the party in question. A salute is a digital image or picture of you holding a handwritten sign that contains information about your MySpace account.


To create a salute, please do the following:

1. Create a handwritten sign with the word MySpace.com on it. Please also include your Friend ID number (Your friend ID is the number between "ID=" and "&mytoken", in your profile's web address/URL). If you do not have a MySpace profile/account, please include the email address that you will be sending your response from.

2. Have a digital image or picture taken of you holding the handwritten sign. Please be sure the photo is clear and the handwriting is easy to read. (If you do not have access to a digital camera, please consider the accessibility of disposable cameras and digital film processing available at most drug stores)

3. Next, reply to this email with the salute as an attachment or provide us with the web address/URL where the image has been uploaded. Please note, salutes CANNOT be hosted on a MySpace profile. Images of salutes on MySpace profiles can, and often are, easily copied and exploited by "fakers." So for the protection of our users the salute image must be hosted on a site that requires its users to login with a username and password.

4. If we are verifying your identity because someone has created an imposter profile of you, please provide both the imposter profile friend ID number(s) and web address(es)/URL(S), along with your request to have the imposter account(s) deleted.

5. If you want to change your login information, please include what you would like your new email log in address and password to be. Please be sure that the email is not currently in use or associated with another MySpace profile. Once we receive this information, we will update your account for you.

Please understand that a salute is our only reliable means to verify identity. Without a salute, we do not have a way of knowing the true owner of the MySpace profile. Once a salute is reviewed and your identity is verified, the image will be discarded and we will proceed with your request. Unfortunately, without a salute we will not be able to grant you your request.

We hope you found this information helpful. If this message does not answer your question or address your concern, please reply to this email directly keeping the subject line and footer information intact.

For answers to frequently asked questions about MySpace, select the FAQ link at the bottom of any MySpace page. Or copy and paste http://faq.myspace.com/ into your browser's address bar.


Thank you,
MySpace.com
---------------

The preceding message is probably one of the most galactically stupid, most asinine, emails ever to be sent into cyberspace. And that's quite an accomplishment.

It's so perfectly ridiculous in its own seriousness it doesn't even require any further comment. But let's have some fun anyway because it's Sunday and they're all out of Shamwows on the website:


Who do these rocket scientists at the Myspace Justice League think they are? The freakin' C.I.A.? My big, nationwide, behemoth-of-a-bank, which holds the keys to my life savings, credit card numbers, and all the data that might actually warrant an email like the one above, simply asks that you answer a couple of security questions and not film a fucking documentary for them.

Can you guess what my favorite part in the whole warped message is?
It's in the first paragraph, where they tell you what to do if you do if you DO NOT have a myspace profile...

WHY IN THE FUCKING WORLD WOULD I BE REQUESTING A FUCKING PASSWORD TO A FUCKING ACCOUNT IF I DIDN'T HAVE A FUCKING PROFILE TO BEGIN WITH?! Holy shit!

Here's my version of the Myspace "I Forgot My Password" Email:


Greetings Myspace User:

As you might or might not have heard, as a final order from outgoing "President" Cheney, The National Security Agency has decided to combine Myspace.com with the Department of Homeland Security.

The reason for this is, the private data and messages you send and exchange daily on your Myspace page is information which is vital to national, as well as global, security.

Whether it's a "Please be my friend" message telling someone their music is great - even though you've never heard it- or leaving an all-important, meticulously designed, HTML comment, reminding everyone how desperate you are to get out of Taco Bell once and for all, this data is of the highest level of importance in the fight against terrorism.

Because of this, Myspace cannot simply accept a request to remind you of your password from the email used to set up the account for fear you might be held hostage at gunpoint as we speak, and the terrorists might be posing as you in order to steal all your friends for their evil goals of world domination using Myspace as their base.

This unfortunately difficult process has nothing to do with the fact that Myspace has been rendered all-but-useless by those losers at Facebook so we're doing whatever we can to inflict as much pain and suffering as possible on anyone and everyone we feel helped reduce the relevance of our application to dust. Not true at all.

Thus, in order to confidentially send you your current password, what we must ask you to do is:

1. Take a quick, three month, graphic arts course at any nationally accredited online university - Kaplan Schools are quite good. Visit Myspace.Kaplan.com.

2. After graduation, rent any available billboard or water tower, preferably one owned by News Corp. and located in New York's Times Square, but any major highway will do as long as the billboard or tower is high enough off the ground where a fall will cause serious injury.

4. Hire a casting director to get a double to play you in the movie.

3. Film your double naked climbing up the rented billboard or tower and spray painting your top secret Account ID on his bare chest in 3 different colors (the precise colors will be revealed later in a document left in the mailbox on the corner by a man who calls himself "Mr. Whitehouse."). The reason we need to see you naked is so we know there are no smoke or mirrors used when creating your ID. (We assure you, under no circumstances, will we sell your video to an organization called, "Muy Muy Kiddies" in Thailand.)

6. Next, have the freshly painted double shout your name at the top of his lungs, ten times, while spinning clockwise in a circle. (The reason we ask you to use a double, is, due to all that spinning, the actor will no doubt get dizzy and subsequently fall to his death. We certainly don't want that happening to any of our members. Hopefully, the person you cast will not have a Myspace profile. If he does, he, too, may follow these steps after he dies if he'd like his profile to remain active, but that's a different email.)

1. Lastly, make sure to call your movie "Myspace Are a Bunch of Fucking Douchebags" and hand-deliver it to "Mr. Whitehouse" who will be waiting for you in the third seat from the rear at the Savoy Theatre in Vermont at eight a.m. sharp, Tuesday. (If, by any chance, you are intercepted by the terrorists during this transaction, tell them you are an American Taliban and are helping to defeat the infidels. Using the word "infidels" numerous times usually works.)

Finally, once you have completed the above steps, tune to ABC, February 22nd, to watch the 1st Annual "Myspace Users: I Forgot My Password Video Awards" hosted by Miley Cyrus!

For answers to why I have wasted half a day of my life typing a stupid rant about a useless, pathetically retarded site like Myspace, please visit the FUQ link at the bottom of the page.

We hope you found this information helpful. If not, please send us an email.