I once had one of them Benji lookin' house dogs. His name was "Moose."

I had just moved in to a newly remodeled apartment that didn't allow pets, so Moose was a well guarded secret. I had a really hot date one evening and I went to feed The Moose before I left to meet the girl downtown, only to discover that I was completely out of dog food. I didn't want to leave him in the house alone and hungry, so I began rummaging through the cabinets when I came across one lone can of Hormel chili with beans. I thought, "This stuff looks just like his dog food. Maybe he will like it." Boy did he ever! The bowl was nearly empty before I got out the door! Well my date went very well that night. Well enough that the girl decided to come back to my apartment. As we stepped through the front door, I knew my nightmare had just begun! There was piles upon piles of the most God awful dog crap you could ever see all over my living room! And there must of been at least 20 poop streaks anywhere from 3 to 10 feet long all over my new carpet! Turns out Moose was an ass dragger! I screamed his name and he bolted out from behind the couch and out the door like the smart dog that he was, leaving me standing there with my date all on my own. First thing she asked was "what did you feed your dog?" When I told her she just busted up laughing! Looking at the streaks on the floor she turned to me and said "It looks like he was trying to play connect the dots with his butt!" We both had a good laugh then she helped me clean up what we could before we headed out to rent a shampooer.
Moose was forgiven and I did date that girl for several months afterward. I should have married that one!

I did learn two things from the experience. Don't feed housedogs chili and any woman that will help you clean up dog crap on the first date is definitely a keeper!