A couple of weeks ago I noticed some strange transactions on my Abbey business bank account. That's odd - how come I have repeated purchases of pizza from places such as Domino's, Topps, Acton Pizza etc etc...?

It clearly was not me. Even drunk, I would not be making so many purchases of pizza over a period of 10 days. In fact, I never order pizza to be delivered as I'm quite particular when I eat pizza. It has to be freshly prepared and cooked without a lot of cheese.

So I called my bank and said that I suspect someone is using my bank account. They said they would email me a form to fill in... Ummm, I replied that maybe we need to do something to stop anyone accessing the account again - maybe if the debit card has been cloned it would be sensible to block it immediately and to send me a new card? I suggested this to the bank - surely it seems obvious?

So they agreed. They said they would block the card and send me a new one within a week. It was inconvenient, but at least I could feel assured that there would be no more strange transactions on the account.

Later I tried logging into my bank account, so I could pay a bill. I found I could not access the account anymore - it was blocked. I called them to ask why. They told me that I had blocked the account access by asking for a new card to be issued...

They had not explained that I would be blocking access to my account AS WELL as getting a new card issued. So I practically had to beg on the phone so I could pay the bill - which was urgent. I finally got them to accept that I was paying a small bill and I was genuine, after going through many, many security questions - many more than usual.

So, I waited 10 days to get my new card. I finally got it on Friday. I didn't need to use it or my account at all over the weekend though. I finally got around to doing some online banking today - only to find my access is still blocked.

I called Abbey. They said that now I have the new card, they need to POST (remember that?) me a new password, a new user number, and a new access code... so that's three separate letters I have to wait for in the mail. And they won't post them to me at my current address... they will all go to a house I no longer live in and I will have to chase my ex-wife to hand over the letters.

So, it will probably be another twn days before I can access my own business account again. And all because I took the time to report my own suspicions to the bank - helping to prevent any further fraud!!

And to make it worse, I got so frustrated talking to the agent on the phone today I said - look, I thought I was a valued business customer, but Abbey is making me feel like a piece of shit... cue the standard talk from the agent that I am not allowed to swear on the phone and he can hang up on me at any time if I behave like that...

So, my own business bank is denying me access to my own account for around 3 weeks... just at a critical time when I need to get statements for my accountant... and I'm getting told off for feeling frustrated about how they run their online banking system...

In any case, I hate Abbey's online banking system. I use Egg and Smile online as well - they have a good mix of security and ease of use, multiple passwords and personal information, but things that I can remember. Abbey insists on three different codes, a 5-digit number, a 10-digit number, and a password... it's meaningless - I have to write down all the numbers so I can get into the account, so surely that's less secure...?

Arggh, I am so fed up with Abbey and I now have to approach my accountant to say he won't have the information he needs for a couple of weeks....