I still remember our very first date. It sounds cliched, but it was magic. I remember seeing you and feeling butterflies in my stomach. I remember wondering if it would be ok to grab your hand in the movie. I remember thinking you were the most handsome man I ever met. I remember thinking there was no way someone as good-looking as you would be in to me back. I remember how flustered I was at dinner, playing with my hair and twitching about. I remember the first moment we touched, my body felt like it was going to explode if I didn't get to hug you. And then we kissed and it was everything I had always dreamed of. The very next day you called in the middle of the day and you "just wanted to see me." That was so cute and it made my the butterflies work on my stomach even more. I remember holding your hand at that movie -- Million Dollar Baby. I remember the next day realizing that we both knew Aimee, me from college and you through Rich. That was when I realized we were meant to be together. How random was it that you were friends with the only person I really knew in Minnesota? And I knew if Aimee was your friend, you had to be a good guy. And you were. We were inseparable after that point. I know I was still living with Shayne, but I honestly don't remember anything from that time period that doesn't include you. I remember our first Valentine's Day and how your car broke down and our romantic evening was put on hold. I remember the dozen long-stemmed roses and the beautiful watch you bought me. My birthday was coming up in a month, the big 3-0 and then you bought me a present every day for 30 days. Many of the presents were small, like a box of Dots, or a Kill Bill poster, but everything you bought stemmed from something I told you I liked or a conversation we had. You were so attentive. You hung on every word I said and then delivered. I remember being in love with you and you telling me that you didn't know if you'd ever be the kind of guy who would express love, and then on the night before my 30th birthday at BS West, I remember you finally saying it. I remember laughing hysterically and feeling so giddy and so in love. I remember making love to you in my parent's house that night. Looking in to each other's eyes and saying I love you. It was the most passionate, true, loving sex I had ever experienced. It was that ultimate connection that you always dream about having with someone, but it seems too pie in the sky to actually happen. And then it did.
Soon I moved in to your house, which you quickly dubbed "our home." You took me in when no one else would and I felt so safe and protected. You even tolerated my dog, even though you don't like dogs. I remember you guiding me through the troubles I was having with my boss and ultimately protecting me so I could leave there and not feel worried about money or a lack of food or shelter. I remember the weekend our moms came for my mom's 60th birthday and how perfect the weekend turned out. Everyone got along. Everyone had fun. My mom still says it was the best day of her life. I felt like we were a family. Me you, our moms, a family, just like any straight couple would enjoy. Then later that month you took me to New York. I had never been on a special trip like that with anyone before. We went to so many great shows and attractions and had so much fun. We never seemed to find good places to eat, but even that became a joke to us. I remember our special language. It was both verbal and non-verbal. You knew how to read me with one simple look. We had our special pewing language. That was the funnest. Even my mom commented on how well we "worked" together. You mom said she had never seen you so happy. Soon some of my friends started visiting and you showed them the best hospitality I could have ever imagined. Everyone thought you were a great catch. Everyone was so happy I found you. Then my dog died of cancer and I was very sad. You held me close and let me cry it out. You even cried for her while we were putting her to sleep. You, the tough, non-emotional guy who said he hadn't cried since he was a child, crying over my loss. That made me feel so loved. I could not have gotten through that loss without you. Things got worse at work and I decided to leave. You still provided a roof over my head and enough food to eat. You didn't pressure me to get in to something I didn't want to do either. I loved meeting your family over the holidays and how they made me feel I was instantly part of the family. They had gifts for me, a stocking, everything. I felt like I belonged there, in some ways even more than I sometimes do in my own family. And then it was January again and it was your birthday and our anniversary. I loved throwing that surprise party for you and I loved that every single one of your friends showed up. You were really happy that day. And our anniversary was wonderful. Chino Latino and Les Miz, and a new video iPod who could beat that. I was struggling again in a new job and you helped me through that. I quit there too in the end. I remember I was feeling really lonely and sad for my family in late March and you flew my mom out to see me the next day. You were out of town, but she and I had a really great week and I felt so much better. Then we went to Seattle and had one of the most magical weekends of our whole relationship, dining atop the Space Needle, meeting your oldest friends and boating along the sound. I remember being on the boat and putting my feet up on your lap and laying there and everything feeling so perfect. Then we broke up and even that was amicable. You smiled with great pride as you told your friends I was leaving but that we would remain great friends. You even gave me enough money to get started with and paid for my move so I didn't have to worry about money while I was unemployed. These are all things that happened in our relationship, but mostly I will always remember you for being the first person to love me, for being my first love, for being supportive of me, for listening to me, for nurturing me, for making me feel secure in a very insecure time career-wise, and especially for being patient with me as I dealt with all the different blows that occurred in my time there. I am extremely thankful to you for all of that. I will always love you. I will not forget my first love. I will always remember us.