I’m floating down the river with the water penetrating my skin.

Oh dear water, you try

       and you pry,

             but I can not let you in.

I can not let you in.

Just enjoy that surface taste

   My lips and my face

You tell me I’m pretty

I’ll ask for a blank slate, and to put on the brakes

Because I’m notorious to never take

Bad with good when there’s dirt under the hood.

You don’t even know me,

         how I wish you would.

                   Not that things would change.

There is too much shit attached to my name

I’ve mastered the game of placing blame

And I’ll grow as you shrink, until you wither away…

It’ll give me some sick form of strength.

But hey,

     I got no control over my brain anyway

Images dancing to songs from another universe,

                far away from me and you

A universe I’d kill to belong to.

Enticing me to break rules,

       Dive head first into shallow pools,

so I can feel something real and new

 and add a little red to my blue

oh love you will never understand me

nor the way I have to be

though I pray one day that you do