Welcum to the Bakersfield Hash House Harriers somewhat weekly installment of the Hash Run Blog. Or as I call it, the BHHHSWIHRB. Today's chapter covers yesterday's (4/09/07) run. The Hare was Cum Pond W with assistance from Josie and the Pussy Warts. In true Cum Pond fashion, the Pack was subjected to a Gulag-esque run with the promise of food at the end. The Wankers who dared, where charged with running 5 different loops up and down the hills of Hart Park. Interstitial to the loops, each Hound got to slake their thirst with a beer before proceeding to the next loop.
Loop I was populated with all of the Hashers. The longest of the loops, it contained some interesting fauna of the local area. Near the top while cuming down, the alertest of Hashers was rewarded with a large, thick black line of ants. Ants are so stupid, blindly following the ant in front of them. Sounds like a lost Hash Pack. While navigating down the serpentine rocky ravine, the hashers got to see some old Pussy. A poor little kitty had lost its battle with life and was circled with flour by the Hare to bring attention to its existence. The loop ended up with no human fatalities and a number of Hound drop outs. Beer was enjoyed by all, except the FRBs who took it to be an athletic event.
Loop II shared a beginning with Loop III and an end with Loop I. The start of the run was circumvented by a couple short-cutting shiggy loving Hounds. The only points of interest along the loop were the local flora. Several of the native wildflowers where in full bloom and some interesting dingle berry bushes where out and about. The downhill portion was another rock strewn arroyo with the largest rocks of all the loops. Beer once again was guzzled to keep the Wankers hydrated and more Harriers bowed out of the run.
Loop III saw the setting of the sun. Those lucky enough to be at the top of the ridges were compensated with an amazing sun set over the Chevron Kern River Oil Field. Long live Big Oil! The end of the loop had a very windy wash with the used in Toad's Wild Run? With its high banks, the Hashers were able to control their downhill speed by going uphill on each curve and slow down. Those of us who are larger and have more momentum gladly used these conveniences. At the end, many took a little more time to imbibe their beer and catch their breath.
Loop IV started with a precipitous uphill climb. Anyone not blessed with the genes of a mountain goat had to go up nearly on all fours. Once to the top, the downhill portion went fast. The light may have been fading, but by this time enough beer had been ingested to lower ones inhibitions and the canyon running became easier. The cheers of the unfinishing Hashers also helped to bolster the confidence of the Pack. Once again beer was consumed and a rest was gladly taken.
Loop V was the shortest of all but was a good hill climb. The Turkey/Eagle split was a laugh. A Wanker had to be able to fly like an Eagle to take the split. With the music stylings of Guns and Roses, the start of the loop was enjoyable. Once to the top, the Hashers did not have to take a wash down, this time they got lucky and were able to finish on the road above the Kern County Sheriff's Department shooting range.
With the run completed, the circle was started. The crimes included disqualified Hashers, Drinking in a style unbefitting of a Hasher, and general Wankerish dealings. The Hounds who did not complete the run/skipped a loop/did not drink a beer in-between loops were all sent to the inner circle for a down down. Pecker Wrecker was called in for drinking wine. The only thing keeping her from getting numerous down downs for this unhashlike behavior was that she drank it from a water bottle. The anniversary of Commander Cock Off's birth was celebrated with the shower of beer upon the birthday boy. Palm the Pink was able to bestow the Hashit upon another Wanker after adding a small surfboard. Cum Pond W was rewarded with the Hashit for making the intense run and for unceremoniously getting rid of the Hashit the last time he received it by placing it in the trash for Pussy Warts to find.
With the Down Downs completed, it was time for the On After. We were treated to cold fried chicken and potato wedges, warmed deviled eggs, and delicious birthday cake. A good time was had by all after the run was completed. The only way to forgive a hellacious run is with delicious food.
I hope you had a fun reading the latest installment of the BHHHSWIHRB. Please direct any glowing comments to yours truly and any scathing comments to your ass.
On On
Bloodery Nipples