What is a best friend?
I've been contemplating this question lately.
And I find that I have many definitions, but I'm not quite sure if I know the answer. Is there a concrete answer to this seemingly simple question?
Who is my best friend? I think I know, I always think I know. But what bothers me the most is that I'm never anyone else's best friend. I'm the filler, the one that's always ready in the background whenever their front runner lets them down. Sometimes it upsets me.
Am I not good enough? Am I not smart enough? Funny enough? Have enough personality? There's always someone better, someone cooler. I try to be a good friend, I know I'm usually not, but I try. I try to love, to care, to be there. I wonder if perhaps I don't. Or perhaps I just need to work on myself. But that whole 'be your own best friend, you'll never be alone' thing is just bullshit to me sometimes. I wanna be important. I get told I'm great, I'm like a sister or whatever, but it never lasts. They always move on. Am I too annoyingly dependent? Is this just another thing that will push them away farther? But I've got to get it out. I'm tired of everything rolling around in my head. Over and over again, it never ends.
Maybe I'll figure it out.