In 1999, the only feathers in my cap were a self-published poetry collection appropriately titled, Pier Queen, and some notoriety as an underground New York City based slam poet.
I had been working on a novel but despite featured spoken word performances opening up for notable literary figures; people were more interested in the slam aspect of my poetry.
One of the first few authors who actually believed in me and deserves major props was gay Colombian writer, Jaime Manrique. He introduced me to Bill Sullivan, who was starting Painted Leaf Press, a small independent publishing company that offered me the opportunity to publish the novel.
Excitedly, I handed in the manuscript with no concept whatsoever of the editing process and relied heavily on Painted Leaf Press. The book was soon published and, only a few months later, the company filed for bankruptcy and went out of business. Christ Like has been out of print ever since.
I had been sucker punched but continued to focus on my work as a poet and eventually published my first poetry collection and went on to put together and edit other poetry anthologies. I tried never to look back and forget my failed attempt at being an author.
Interestingly enough, some of those who read the initial publication liked something about it. They did not criticize me for being uneducated and inexperienced as a writer or mocked my humble beginnings as a slam poet. The original version was even a finalist in a small category for a Lambda Literary Award.
Throughout the past decade, I have come across fans who have told me the novel really meant something to them and they were not just trying to mack[1] on me. Perhaps because it was the typical story of a journey to self-acceptance but told through the eyes of that rare mythological creature which sometimes appears in literature- the urban gay Latino.
Enter Rebel Satori Press. The possible reprint of this book was in limbo thanks to the collapse of our economy. As soon as the publication rights were back on the table, they swooped in and made this happen.
Much like the main character of this novel, Christ Like got a second chance. With that, as the author, I had certain decisions to make besides coming up with this introduction.
The most important and necessary edits, besides the spelling and grammar corrections, were the proper use of pronouns to refer to drag and transgender characters throughout the novel. I also admit the original ending was regrettably trite but I have been known to “flare disappointment like a challenge dance” and I grew up watching telenovelas.
The other bonus feature I wanted to add (as you may have noticed from the bottom of the page) is footnotes. With so much slang used throughout the novel, I thought these would be fun additions that would help the general reader get through the book. However, the Spanish dialogue does not get the pop-up-video treatment as much of it uses a Nuyorican[2] slang specific to that part of Latino culture (and I also wanted to be a bit of a hard ass).
With the opportunity to tighten up the novel, I have made it a bit more of a memoir, though it remains a fiction novel. It was never a secret that I was the real Mikey X. Names have been changed and situations have been exaggerated but, without the unnecessary Hollywood ending, what is left is the story of my life before becoming a writer. I have watched many an author rise and fall for fabricating their lives and learned that, though I was not the best of writers, I actually had a genuine story to tell.
The main character of this novel is as melodramatic as people sometimes are in their teens and early twenties. Mikey was, by all means, naive and thwarted emotionally. He fell in love with a crack addict and eventually became a minor drug dealer and developed a bad habit himself.
Mikey was not interested in politics or the world around him. He came of age during Republican rule when Ronald Reagan was still President of the United States for eight years followed by George H. W. Bush. Around him- AIDS had already changed the way people engaged in sex; terrorists began hijacking planes; The Space Shuttle Challenger exploded within minutes of take off; savings and loan institutions went bankrupt; white police officers were recorded beating a black motorist leading to racially charged riots; and The USSR dissolved into individual autonomous countries.
Sometimes not caring is the only way to survive. The most important thing for Mikey during this time was joining the House of X.
The House of X as portrayed in this novel was a group that emerged as a way of finding acceptance and community for a young adult estranged from his family. However, because of some of the characters within the House that Mikey associated with, it also supported and reinforced his descent into decadence.
In a perfect world, no child would ever have to experience coming of age with so much pain and conflict. This does not justify Mikey’s actions or absolve him from his crimes but it should at least grant him the permission to be angry and tragic.
Writing Christ Like was a soul-searching experience. Even while reading it over again for this reprint, I had to go back in time and realize how far I have come spiritually and emotionally.
Those of us who have survived sexual abuse understand our own difficult journey into acceptance. Without poverty, prejudice and struggle, there is already enough to overcome as individuals.
While I was out on the streets being ‘Mikey’, I did my best to find love and keep it alive in my heart. In writing this novel, it was my hope that others could learn to forgive and love themselves whatever challenges they may have had to face while coming of age. In reprinting Christ Like, it is my hope that we can also look back and laugh at ourselves. We often put ourselves through so much shit but, in the end, we all deserve to find peace and happiness.
-Emanuel Xavier
May 2009