To The Valued Stockholders of MAS, Inc.
From His High Exalted Regency, Joe Mas, Esq.

Hi Guys! As the newly elected High Exalted Regencer of the entire MAS corporation, I just wanna say HI TO EVERYONE! We've got a lot of exciting things coming down the pipe-o-rama, starting with the May 31st public exposition at the Black Cat, as well as the October 23rd takeover of Ugandan Copper. And now, after really saying nothing at all, our wacky correspondent Floyd Curse has a few words to share with you.

-----------------
{[Floyd Curse E-Mail Excerpt Concerning PR Arch Paradox Negative Exposure Hedgefund School of Keynsian Band Expansion]

A mass (mas) emailing was sent out to every emir in the Arab world. It offered a fallacious opportunity for each to obtain roughly 10,000 individual gorgeous 18 karat gold assorted necklaces, pinky rings and ankle bracelets in a magical bag floating somewhere in the desert over southern Israel.
We will dispense the quality gold items. Arrangements have been made with outside parties to then drown each attendee in the Tears of Allah, as part of a larger joke pact made between Adbusters, Vice, and Shell Oil.
MAS Corporation will control most of Eurasia by midday Saturday.}

-------

Thank you, Floyd. Folks, as you can see, we should all really be really freaking excited about this. I have to take this opportunity to thank those few and proud who made this all possible, including Lord Satan, Chuck Berry, and the fear of the MINDLESS VOID OF DEATH. Grab your personals, folks, cause this just got better. Our advertising magnate, Brent Madman, has a few positive remarks about the global market.

---------

Hey, I'm Brent Madman, and here's some links to my favorite lawyer jokes!
http://www.ahajokes.com/law003.html
Check it out! This is the new thing the Chinese dreamed up - so bleeding-edge hip that a study group of highly representational 18 year-old females from imaginary boarding schools in Connecticut settled upon the awestruck moniker "Level -13 Positive Irony" to refer to the place it occupies on the scale of utter mindfuck coolness. Two teensy tiny little drops of this precious formula will added to every American Apparel advertisement forever.

______

Thank you for your time. See you at the company picnic.

Joe Mas, Esq.
MAS, Inc.