I want what I thought I had six months ago

What I believed I had for three years

Meaningless sex and nights I spend alone are breaking me

Passion itself can't feed the heart and my soul is empty

Its not the boy

If it was as easy as that I'd be in heaven

God's blessed me with chance upon chance

Men I could fall in love with; men I should fall in love with

But I wont because I can't

My body thrives for drama and my blood runs by means of pain

Anger and fury are all I knew with them

Because like you've all told me the love wasn't real

But I LOVED!

I gave my heart and I bore my soul

All for people who turned away looking for something else

No someone else

When things got hard

I cut to feel

I bleed so that I could breath

And I died just a little more inside each and every night when I closed my eyes

I know that I'm lucky to be alive

I know that I'm blessed to have a family that still loves me

But I'm sick of knowing what it feels like to ache

I want to be different

I would settle for one moment

I want to forget

I want to feel content

For one moment