Honesty

How could so much meaning come from only seven letters

It's said that the truth will set you free

Honestly, I simply surrender

The truth:

I don't remember our past

When I walked out the door I knew what had happened

But now memories have faded and the depression stole them from me all too fast

I was terrified of you

I spent nights alone in my parents home just waiting

Waiting for you to come back to me

To kill me, like the murderer the memories I believe to have made you out to be

But now I don't know

I don't know who I was

I don't know who you were

And I don't know who we are

All I know is that for the last nine months everything I've been so afraid of may not have been real

Maybe all along I was safe,

Maybe I'm just terrified of myself

I remember at the park,

You trying to break into my car

I was so scared of you

Then you chased me so fast, so far

I remember sitting at the computer

I'd told you I had sex with him

Knowing it was a lie didn't matter

I wanted you to get hurt like I had been

You threw your fist in my face

Stopping right before it touched

My heart started racing

The fact that you could do it was enough

That night in my basement

The girls were right across the hall

You hit me on "accident"

Then swung with your all

But you stopped yourself again

You didn't go through

Curt I was so scared

Scared of us, scared of me, mostly scared of you

I don't remember if you beat me

I don't remember where the bruises came from

Sweetie I don't remember how I treated you

I just remember loosing my home

We never should have lived together

There were too many lies

You had a life I never knew about

And we had too much passion and no compromise

So many things have changed

I'm a different woman

You made me who I am now

This life and the way I've been living

Nightmares filled in the gaps,

Replacing missing moments unrealistic times

I wish I could know the truth

But I honestly thought I did, I was so sure about it all in my mind

Until a couple nights ago I never had a doubt

It all fit so perfectly,

The girls, the pain,

The way you never loved me

I just want to know how sorry I am

For everything you may have lost

I swear I don't know what happened

Maybe in the end we all see the pain we've caused