Alrighty! I know I said I would try to update this weekly... but do you really want me to post jokes that just aren't funny, or wait for the good ones?! Hopefully you guys are getting as big of a kick out of this as I am. I guess it's probly pretty lame that I could sit and read jokes for a substantial amount of time huh... at least I'm laughin' tho ;)
Well here ya go! Hope more people start addin' to the list... the more the merrier!!!
Peace and much love,
Daphne
1.) A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change.
He'd always enjoyed tinkering with engines so thought he'd become a mechanic. So he went along to mechanics school and the final test was to strip the engine completely and reassemble it back into perfect working order. Our gynecologist friend did the test and anxiously awaited his results.
The day he received the results, he got quite a surprise -- he got 150%. He quickly phoned the instructor and asked about the high mark.
The instructor said, 150%, that's right. First, I gave you 50% for stripping down the engine -- a very thorough job. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it -- a fantastic job really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the tail pipe.
2.) Top 10 excuses for sleeping at your desk...
10) ''They told me at the blood bank this might happen.''
9) ''This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.''
8) ''Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably got here just in time!''
7) ''I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.''
6) ''I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.''
5) ''I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stess. Do you discriminate toward people who practice Yoga?''
4) ''Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.''
3) ''The coffee machine is broken...''
2) ''Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot...''
1) ''.....in Jesus' name, Amen.''
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3.) |
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One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, "Betcha $20 I can bite my eye." The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty.
Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, "Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye."
Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers.
He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, "Hey, barkeep," he burbles, "I'll give you a chance to win yer money back plus. Betcha $100 if you put a shot glass on that end of the bar, and I stood on this end, I could piss into it and not spill a drop."
The bartender eagerly accepts, knowing the feat to be impossible. The man wobbily climbs atop the bar, zips down his fly and promptly pisses all over the bar. He zips up, sits down, slaps the $100 on the bar and laughs uproarously.
"What's so funny?" says the barkeep. "You just lost everything you won and more!"
"Well," giggles the man, "I just bet those guys over there $200 that I could piss all over your bar and you wouldn't get angry." |
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8:37 PM
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