- by Kevin Bartl -

The Condors list of corporate partners is varied.  we have everything from fast food joints to fancy restaurants, cops and firemen, people doctors and car doctors, shed producers and real estate agents, and everyone in between.  but when i was looking at the list the other day, i thought, when i’m really in a pinch, these are the Top 5 corporate partners that i would want to call in an emergency.

5. Houchin Blood Services - is there anything more important in your life than the blood your body is pumping?  tell you what, if you ever run into me on the street and you can tell that i’m in dire need of blood, right after you call 911, call Houchin.  and actually, that song from their radio ads is so ingrained in my head, they would probably make any list i created.

4. California Pizza Kitchen/Rusty’s/Pizza Hut - i am a man that lives an addiction-free life.  i don’t need my morning coffee to function.  i can go long periods of time without a beer.  i like the occasional cigar but never was a smoker.  but there is one thing i AM addicted to: PIZZA.  and i’m totally serious.  if i go four days or so without pizza, i cannot function.  it consumes my thoughts, oppresses my taste buds and controls my appetite.  after six days, i can’t think about eating anything else.  and after eight days i’m ready to take a hostage.  pizza is proof that God gave us all the creativity and knowledge that we need to live happy lives on Earth. 

3. Central Body Works - have you ever tried to live in Bakersfield without your vehicle?  I think that would qualify as an emergency.

2. Kern County Firefighters - gotta love these guys… putting out wild fires, protecting our houses, saving babies, rescuing cats from treetops… touching stuff.  They even have a link on their website that warns you about the Swine Flu.  There are over 500 men and women that are a part of the KCFF, and they all earn their paychecks.  Don’t mess with the firefighters, we need them.

1. Mercy & Memorial Hospitals - should all the previous four emergency contacts fail, i guess you can just drag my incapacitated body to the folks at M&MH.  preferrably whichever one is closest at the time.  for someone who avoids the doctor’s office as much as possible, if i ever get to the point where i REALLY need one, i suppose its OK to go to the hospital.  if you’re at Mercy SW, maybe you’ll be lucky enough to get a room with a nice view of all the palm trees.