I used to write a lot, but last year something happened that made me quit. I had started a long distance relationship with this wonderful guy I knew from my sister ( or so i thought he was), he was older and shared the same qualities as I did. The first time I met him i was only 15, after that we met again when I was 17. It was during his first visit that I started to like him, fall for him really. We continued our long distance relationship via telephone for about a year. He'd call almost every night. Before him, I had just gotten out of a high school relationship that really affected me greatly. Anyways, my relationship with this guys lasted for two years, we only got to see each other twice since he lives in the midwest and I on the west coast. I thought everything he told me about himself was true. I knew he had an ex girlfriend that he probably still liked, but I was willing to put up with it. When he told me he'd move for me, I got scared and ended it. No one's ever done anything that big for me before and I don't want anyone to start now. I mention this story because while I was in a "relationship" with this John Doe, I had written on my journal everything good about how I felt,much like a little girl who day dreams about the future. Luckily for me I had ended it the way I did; I found he was still in a relationship with his ex while pursuin me. Twice I had gotten my heart broken: one after the other. I've rejected many people's offers of courting me for that sole purpose, I dnt want to get hurt again, not anytime soon. But lately, I'm facing a dilema due to the simple fact that I'm a friend to someone who's far away and the way he is makes me think of him as more than just a friend. Could it be that I'm having a crush on this guy? I so badly hope not, cause I've learned many times that to get my hopes up is just a preperation to getting it crushed.