Sometimes I wake up from a nightmare, strung with terror or horror or grief ... and slowly I realise the nightmare isn't true.  And I tell myself over and over again that it wasn't real.  It's a sort of traumatised gladness that seeps through the haze of waking then.

Other times, dreaming, I feel amazed ... glad ... joyful ... full of wonderment ... and I awake with delicious sensations fading slowly.  And I'm left with a sort of gratitude for the dream and all that I felt in it.  But then there's confusion ... and a bit of longing to be back in the dream.

Things seem so hard at the moment ... and I can't see the way forward ...

I wish my dreams would illuminate things, but they're no help at all.  Conscious or not, I'm stumped by life, and am left not really understanding anything.  It seems like everything should be so simple, so much simpler ...

I don't mean to be cryptic.  There's just a limit to how personal a myspace blog can get ...