The needle went in deep, her arm tightened as it was pushed home. She’d lost count of the amount of times it’d been done, each time its effects seemed to lessen. She just lay back and let it do its work, let it wash over her, closed her eyes and drifted off to a safer place.

In her dreams she was different, in her dreams she was good, in her dreams she was clean.

Waking was sore, every part of her ached, cried out for attention, but she felt too weak, just lay there swathed in virginal sheets. Noises went on around her, but she kept her eyes clamped tightly shut, tried to hang on to the dreams, to the world where things were better.

But reality kept nagging at her, pulling her back. She could hear voices, but didn’t want to open her eyes. The longer they were shut the longer she could keep reality at bay.

In her dream the sky was blue, deep blue; the sand beneath her feet was so very warm. The sea was clear. The wind was warm. She was smiling.

She felt her arm being lifted.

“Go away.” She wanted to shout.

If she kept her eyes closed they’d leave her alone. But it didn’t work. It never worked. Faces loomed above her as she opened her eyes, those big blue eyes. She noticed it was always the same faces, the same stoic expressions. She even knew the question that was coming next.

“And how are we today?”

Stupid fucking question, same as every other day she wanted to shout. She wanted to, but never did.

“Fine.” Was the single word that came out.

The same sympathetic smiles as always looked back at her. They didn’t have any answers. Prodded, poked, pushed, pulled, jabbed and stabbed, but never any answers.

Just one simple answer.

She didn’t ask for much.

But they’d been looking for an answer for as long as she could remember. The same sad faces would always return, a shake of the head and useless sympathetic words.

The silence hung between them as she lay there, nervous glances at clipboards, she studied their faces, blank as ever.

She was a person; she wanted to scream at them. A living thing, not an object or a puzzle. Just once if she was spoken to as if she existed, as if she mattered.

They just scribbled, more unintelligible words, onto their clipboards and muttered amongst themselves. Puzzled looks exchanged they moved away.

She felt nothing after they’d gone, just tired, just the sheets caught up in her legs, just the clamminess of her skin, just sheer frustration. She tried to kick out, but the sheets seemed tightly wrapped around her legs, trapping her, securing her to the bed, caught up in her own little prison.

“What’s wrong?” One of the friendlier nurses approached her bed, it was only then that she noticed that tears had streaked her face. She’d no idea when she’d started crying, but she turned away from the nurse in an attempt to hide it.

“Things will get better.” She heard the nurse saying, but she couldn’t bring herself to believe. She pulled a pillow over her ears and tried to block everything out.

A face appeared in front of her and cheekily stuck its tongue out, she returned the favour.

“How’s my princess?” His smile was broad and warm, but most of all infectious. She couldn’t help but smile back.

“What’s with the pillow?” He raised an eyebrow,

She kept it firmly in place.

“You hiding?”

“I’m not a kid.” She pulled the pillow off and threw it to the floor “Don’t treat me like a kid.”

“Someone’s taken the grumpy pills today.”

“Shut up.” She crossed her arms and huffed. She tried to stay mad with him, but he kept pulling stupid faces, forcing her to eventually laugh.

“That’s my princess.” He grinned.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why not?”

“It’s something you call a baby.”

“Oh okay, what do you want to be called?”

“You could try my name.”

“Y’know, I never thought of that.”

“Shut up.” She scowled “You’re only talking to me cos it’s your job.

“I’ll have you know the welfare of my patients is very important to me.” He put his hand on his heart and pretended to be hurt.

“It says that in your job description doesn’t it?”

“Okay you caught me out; I really couldn’t give a toss.”

She studied his deadpan face, searching for signs of truth. Then it cracked and broke into a roaring laugh. She looked at him, her head cocked to one side, and laughed sarcastically once.

“Right you two, sorry to break up the fun.” The stern faced nurse came up to the bed, pushing a small metal trolley.

They all knew what was coming next.

“Do you want me to stick around?”

“No.” She replied quickly.

The drapes were drawn and everything went quiet. She was certain the stern faced nurse enjoyed this part of the job.

She lay on her side and stared at the ugly pattern on the drapes.

“This won’t hurt a bit.” She said that every time.

She lied.

The tears welled up as she felt the pain grow, it started in a small area and then radiated out.

Nice things.

Nice things.

Try to think of nice things.

It didn’t work.

The ugly pattern on the drapes looked even uglier, the pain travelled down her legs, up her back.

The stern faced nurse was enjoying this.

She wouldn’t let her see the tears, she’d hold them in, keep them to herself.

“Nearly done.”

Poisonous words, she was probably smiling as she said them.

“There we go.” Her voice was singsong; there was definitely the sound of a laugh in there.

The pain retreated into her back, a little nugget left there as a reminder, a twisted souvenir.

Every week. They did this every week. Why, she didn’t know, maybe punishment? It certainly didn’t make any difference. The stern faced nurse probably did it for her own enjoyment.

No apologies, just a lopsided smile as the drapes were pulled open.

She felt too sore to move and stayed lying on her side. The girl across from her was new, her skin looked grey, almost translucent. She had long straggly hair and a high forehead. She reminded her of an alien.

Alien Girl played with her hair, twiddling it around and around her fingers, while staring off into space, her expression completely blank and empty.

She must’ve been staring at Alien Girl for a good ten minutes when suddenly her head snapped to the side and she was staring straight at her.

“Eh…Hi.”

There was no response, the eyes kept staring kept boring into her, cold, unblinking, just staring.

“I’m Amy.”

Just staring.

“I’m a mystery too; the doctors don’t know what’s wrong with me.” The silence made her nervous, she had to say something, fill the gaps “Least they won’t tell me what’s wrong with me, I could have just days to live and they’re too scared to tell me.”

Alien Girl kept staring, expression never changing.

“You don’t say much do you?”

Finally a blink, a very slow blink.

Amy smiled, judging that a victory.

“You smile nice.” Alien Girl’s voice was light and wispy. Any was unsure she’d really heard it, or if she’d just imagined it.

“Eh, thanks.” Any said it to nobody in particular, just in case it had been said.

“My pleasure.” Amy felt as if Alien Girl’s voice was coming from inside her own head. It weirded her out and sent a shiver down her spine, reawakening the nugget of pain that was lodged there, causing it to grow and spread. She grimaced with the pain as she fought to block it out.

“You okay?” There it was again, Alien Girl’s voice inside her head, she was sure of it.

“How do you do that?” Amy forced the words past the pain.

“Do what?” It was there again. She wasn’t even sure now if her lips moved when it happened.

“That thing with your voice? In my head?” The pain started to lessen.

“Oh it’s a secret.” A smile flickered across Alien Girl’s face, but was gone as soon as it appeared, as she returned to staring off into space.

“You alright?” His face reappeared at the foot of the bed, no sign of sticking out his tongue this time.

“Yeah.” She said dismissively, trying to look past him to see what Alien Girl was doing, but he kept blocking her view.

“You sure?”

“Yeah I’m sure, I love being a human pin cushion, always being jabbed and poked. Ever since I was little it’s what I’ve always dreamed of.” The words spat out of her mouth before she could stop them.

His face had a look of complete shock, as if he’d caught a bomb blast full on.

Alien Girl let out a slight giggle.

He turned scarlet and slinked away.

Alien Girl’s giggle turned into a loud belly laugh, Amy couldn’t help herself and joined in. It felt like it was the first time in years she’d done so, her whole body shook, the sound coming from deep within.

“Where did that come from?” Alien Girl had tears in her eyes as she laughed.

“I dunno?” All the pain seemed to be gone, Amy felt the freest she’d ever felt in her life.

“He didn’t know what hit him.” Alien Girl’s shoulders shook as she continued to laugh.

A slight niggle of guilt started to grow in the back of Amy’s mind. He hadn’t deserved that, he’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. She’d have to make sure she apologised when he came back.

The doors to the ward swung open with an eerie creak, and there they stood, friends and family, all false smiles and chocolates, homing in on their intended targets.

When the initial stampede had subsided there she stood, dramatically framed in the doorway, dressed in her fur coat and best shoes.

Amy groaned.

She teetered over on her unfeasibly large heels, like a new born deer, it was a miracle she made it. She planted a soggy kiss on Amy’s cheek.

“Mum.” Amy groaned again.

“That’s not much of a welcome.” Her lips were ruby red, her hair elaborately teased and backcombed. Her low hanging top left very very little to the imagination, and the fur coat hung loosely from her shoulders.

“Come dressed for it then.” Amy couldn’t hide her embarrassment.

“Oh I’m not stopping long, I’m meeting Clint later.”

Clint was her latest boyfriend; he wasn’t much older than Amy, worked as a plumber. Spent his days knee deep in shit and smelt of it. Amy didn’t like him, but it didn’t really matter, she’d be onto another one pretty soon. His shelf life was nearly up.

“How is the fragrant Clint?”

“Sends his love.” Amy knew that was a lie.

An awkward silence settled between them. Amy noticed that Alien Girl was the only one that didn’t have visitors; she just continued to stare off into space.

“I hate hospitals.” Her mum wrinkled her nose as she gazed round the ward “Full of sick people.”

“Was there a reason for your visit?” Amy felt as if the other families kept looking round at them, whispering behind their hands.

“Can a mother not just visit her child without the need for an ulterior motive?”

“So you’re acknowledging the fact that I’m yours?” Amy’s face flushed red with anger.

“You’re always my baby.” The words were said with insincerity and disinterest, her eyes wandering off, scanning for men with vampirish intent.

“Oh please.” Amy pretended to gag.

“Why do you always have to be so angry Amy? What have I ever done to you?”

“Where do you want me to start?”

“I’m hurt; anyone listening to you would think I was a witch.”

“You said it.”

“Amy!” Her shock seemed genuine; this time people’s heads did turn.

“I’m going to have to ask you to keep the noise down.” The stern faced nurse floated passed the bed, her eyes automatically scanning and judging.

“Stick it up yr…”

“Mum!” Amy turned crimson.

The stern faced nurse hesitated, looked like she was going to say something, then moved on.

“Who does she think she is?” Her mother waited until she was a safe distance away.

“Mum, stop it.”

“She can’t talk to me like that; I’ve a good mind to go over there and…”

“It’ll only make things worse.”

“Worse for who?”

“Just leave it.” Amy mumbled.

“If someone’s giving you grief.”

“Is this the concerned mother act? I should be honoured; I’ve never seen it before.”

“I don’t know why I bother with you?”

“I didn’t know you did.”

Their eyes locked as they stared each other out, neither wanting to concede defeat, both just as stubborn.

“Is this your sister?” He appeared at the bedside, his wounds licked from their previous encounter.

Her mum let out a girly giggle.

“Oh please.” Amy groaned, and desperately wished the ground would swallow her up. All thoughts of apologising to him disappeared.

The two of them flirted uncontrollably, she flicked her hair and gave him the big doe eyes, he laughed at her every word and kept reaching out for her hand.

Amy was again ignored; she could’ve been anywhere as the conversation passed over her. Her gaze was drawn to Alien Girl, who was sitting up in her bed with her knees pulled into her chest and her arms tightly hugging her legs. Amy couldn’t be sure, but she thought she saw tears streaking her cheeks.

“I’ll just be a minute baby; I’ve just got to…” The words trailed off as they both got up and left, all flirty giggles.

Normally Amy would’ve been both enraged and embarrassed, but this time she didn’t care, she was more concerned with Alien Girl, who was rocking back and forth mumbling something under her breath.

“You alright?” The words came out with trepidation, as if she was afraid to interrupt.

The mumbling continued, her eyes bulged wide; the rocking got faster, her grey translucent skin got even paler. Then a trickle of deep crimson blood came from her nose. Alien Girl didn’t even notice, she carried on mumbling and rocking. Then her tears also turned deep crimson.

“NURSE! NURSE!” Amy screamed, her heart racing, her weak limbs trapped by the bedsheets.

“NURSE! NURSE!” She screamed again, unable to escape.

Now people stared, now they paid attention. Doctors and nurses came running; the drapes were pulled tightly shut. Amy found herself staring at the ugly pattern again. She could hear the commotion, but her mind was filled with images of those deep crimson tears.

The other visitors all whispered amongst themselves, their day made, the gossip quota filled.

Amy found herself shaking; she couldn’t loose the images from her head. Again and again they bombarded her. She covered her eyes, but it didn’t work. Again and again they came.

“What’s got into you now?” Her mother’s voice scythed through the confusion.

Amy lowered her hands, everything was blurred, messed up by tears, her mother was just a shape, a blob, but that unmistakable whine cut through it all, right to the bone, making her feel guilty, making her feel small.

“Has that stuck up cow done something to you?”

The commotion behind the curtains got louder; Amy turned and stared, the ugly pattern still ugly even through the haze of tears.

“What’s going on?” Amy managed to force the words out as the stern faced nurse came by.

“Nothing for you to worry yourself about.” Her nose wrinkled as if there was a bad smell under it.

“I’m not a kid.” Amy felt the bedsheets tighten around her legs as she tried to kick herself free.

“Just calm yourself down.” The stern faced nurse placed a liver spotted hand on Amy’s shoulder.

Amy tried to shrug her away.

“Take your hands off my daughter, you’re hurting her.”

“I’m doing nothing of the sort.” The stern faced nurse shot Amy’s mother a steely glare.

“Then why’s she crying?” The words came out almost triumphantly.

“Your daughter’s an emotional girl.”

Amy couldn’t listen to the two of them bicker, she wanted to block them out, she wanted to be a million miles away, she definitely didn’t want to be in the hospital.

The drapes were pulled back, lots of ashen faces. Amy tried to get a view of Alien Girl, but always seemed to be blocked.

“What’s going on? Is she alright?” Amy almost didn’t want to hear the answer.

“She’s had some sort of a seizure.” One of the ashen faces spoke “We’ve sedated her.”

“But she’s going to be okay?”

There was no reply.

Slowly they all dissipated and left behind an awkward silence. Amy could see Alien Girl, her eyes closed, now wired up to a machine full of flashing lights and strange symbols. She looked to her mother for help, but she could see there were no answers there; she was too busy fixing her hair and clothes.

The rest of visiting time was spent in virtual silence, the odd cough and awkward swallow.

Amy always found the nights in the hospital the hardest. She could hear Alien Girl’s machine buzzing and humming, it made it impossible to sleep as her brain centred in on those sounds.

The war itself was in darkness apart from the eerie glow from the nurse’s station.

Ever since Alien Girl’s seizure nobody came over to talk to her, even the friendly nurses. It was almost as if they’d been put into quarantine, or were too scared to come near. Maybe it was Amy’s constant questions, her desperate need for answers.

Still the machine buzzed and hummed, still Amy couldn’t sleep.

Until on the third night Amy heard a voice in her head, a familiar voice.

The ward was still in darkness, the nurses station still glowed in its eerie way, but sitting bolt upright in her bed was Alien Girl, a crooked smile on her face and a glint in her eyes.

Amy stared; she didn’t know what to say.

“Surprise!” The voice laughed inside her head.

“Is…is that you?” Amy stammered, her voice a near whisper.

“You have other voices in your head?”

“No it’s…I…” Amy didn’t know what to think, Alien Girl’s laughter rattled round her head confusing her thoughts, making her head spin. Was this real or imagined? Was she dreaming?

“It’s not a dream.”

Amy was twice as freaked out now that Alien Girl was reading her thoughts.

“I’m as real as you are.”

“Could you do that all along?”

“Do what?”

“Read my mind.”

“Don’t be silly.”

“But you just…”

“What? Read your mind.”

“You did it again.”

“You just looked confused, it was a lucky guess.”

“But you’re still inside my head?”

“I told you, it’s a secret. I’m still right in front of you aren’t I?”

Amy stared at Alien Girl, her head full of confusion, a billion thoughts and questions all colliding together.

“So are you better now?”

Alien Girl just shrugged.

“So what happened?”

She shrugged again.

“You had blood for tears.”

Alien Girl didn’t shrug this time, she just stared.

Amy didn’t know what to think, she was more confused then ever. The fact that Alien Girl didn’t have any answers only seemed to succeed in confusing her more.

“Let’s get out of here.” Alien Girl was full of eagerness.

“But I…”

“Cant? Who says?”

Amy instinctively looked towards the nursing station.

“What them? They won’t notice.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not? What’s stopping you?”

“I…” Amy could feel her frail body under the bedsheets. To her it felt useless, just a broken husk that had caused her nothing but problems throughout her life.

“I’ll help.” For the first time Alien Girl smiled. The warmest nicest thing that Amy had ever seen.

It gave her encouragement, although she felt scared, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been out of the bed on her own.

“Lean on me.” Amy put her hand on Alien Girl’s shoulder, it felt just as thin and skeletal as hers yet there she was standing out of the bed without anyone’s help.

Her feet felt trapped in the bedsheets, they didn’t want to let go, the sheets seemed to tangle round her, stopping her, holding her fast. Alien Girl reached over and with a single flourish pulled the bedsheets back. Amy’s skinny legs were revealed, mere twigs, fragile things that looked barely able to carry the weight of a small bird.

Amy gingerly swung her legs round, it felt strange not to be constrained. She flinched and gave a sharp intake of breath as her feet touched the cold floor.

“It’s always cold.” Alien Girl smiled and kicked off her own faded pink slippers “Use these.”

“But they’re yours.”

“I’ve got others.”

Amy slid her feet into the slippers, they were way too big, but she didn’t care.

“Lean on me.” Amy used Alien Girl as a crutch, her shoulder feeling like it might break at any second.

Amy’s legs felt weak, so long unused, she shuffled like a person ten times her age.

“Not that hard is it?” Alien Girl grinned.

“Should’ve done it years ago.” Amy tried to make a joke of it, but even just after a few short steps she was exhausted, her body groaned and creaked, crying out for forgiveness.

“So what was with the tear thing?” Amy tried to take her mind off the pain.

“Tear thing?” Alien Girl looked away for a moment.

“Aaw c’mon, the tears of blood thing.”

“Aaw that.” Alien Girl sniffed.

“Aaw that she says. I was terrified; I thought something really serious had happened.” Amy was glad not to be thinking about the pain.

“It’s just something that happens when I’m stressed.” Alien Girl wasn’t looking at Amy; in fact she was looking everywhere but at Amy.

“Stressed?”

“Heamohydrosis, or something they call it.”

“It looked horrible.”

“It’s nothing.”

Amy continued to shuffle, using Alien Girl as a crutch. Their progress was painfully slow, but Amy didn’t mind, she was with a friend. She couldn’t remember the last time she could claim to have a friend.

“So what you stressed about?” Amy knew she was pushing it, but the question had been rattling around her brain.

“Nothing really.”

“You can tell me.”

In the silence the hum and buzz of machines could be heard, it was like the hospital was breathing. If those noises stopped then everything inside it would cease to be.

“I won’t tell. Nobody talks to me anyway.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Alien Girl snapped, her head turned sharply away, almost dropping Amy as she stopped abruptly.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s private alright.” Alien Girl grabbed hold of Amy and held her steady.

They shuffled on further, Amy’s mind was working furiously, she wondered what it was that Alien Girl was so desperate to keep quiet.

“Where we going?” Amy decided to change the subject.

“Outside.”

“But…”

“Don’t you dare say we’re not allowed.”

Amy decided against saying anymore after seeing the expression on Alien Girl’s face. She decided to concentrate on her slow painful shuffle, making sure that the extra big pink slippers didn’t fall off her fleet.”

They passed several darkened wards. Their breath held in apprehension, Amy almost praying that one of the nurses wouldn’t look up.

Their luck held, not one nurse noticed. Not even when Alien Girl pushed open a fire exit.

The clunk and screech of the door opening filled Amy with fear, her heart raced, her blood ran cold. She wanted to run, to scream, but somehow feeling Alien Girl there, beside her, stopped her, held her fast.

It was that that it hit her, something that she’d forgotten about, that had been pushed far away into the recesses of her mind. The smell.

It wrapped round her, almost intoxicated, filling every sense, every pore, far more powerful than any distant memory could be.

“You okay?”

She was only half aware of Alien Girl’s words, lost in the bombardment that was ravaging her senses. She did, however, hear the clunk as their feet stood on the metal fire escape. The banister was cold to her touch, almost making her gasp out loud.

Gingerly they made their way down the fire escape a single step at a time. Amy still putting her weight on Alien Girl’s shoulder.

“When was the last time you were outside?” Alien Girl’s brow furrowed slightly, in the light it looked like massive cracks had opened up.

“Can’t remember.” Amy was a million miles away as she looked out on the small patch of grass that was illuminated by the light that they stood under.

To Amy the grass looked almost silver in the light, a bluey silver.

It was fascinating.

She lurched forward, almost stumbling, almost falling.

“Hey!” Alien Girl called out, but Amy didn’t hear.

She was on her knees in the grass, her hands reaching out, feeling, sensing, allowing the blades to caress her fingers, soaking her in dew.

“I’m outside!” She called out, letting a whoop of joy escape her body.

“I know.” Alien Girl knelt down beside her, smiling broadly.

“Your voice.” Amy finally realised “It isn’t inside my head.”

“It doesn’t need to be anymore.”