Today, I'm tired of listening. My ears are numb. We're up to 101 tracks (give or take a few). The energy and mental focus it takes to be one's own producer is something I intuitively knew would be immense, but now I am actually experiencing it. In some aspects I am suited to the do-it-yourself method - I have a tendency to be meticulous and particular - and on bad days we call this "controlling." But, I've often felt overwhelmed and scared, in the last few months, about being the sole proprietor of a creative project. The responsibility is all mine, sink or float. (Being ambitious, this means I feel a constant pressure to succeed, especially with things that I care about.)

I AM blessed with a talented engineer (see Yarner in my friends list). But, 99% of the decision making is all my own. For that reason, I have tried to keep the arrangements simple. Nonetheless, I have a nack for analyzing every note for its usefulness/appropriateness to the song. Because this is something all my own, I feel I must have input about everything and I have the right to have that input. Yet, every supporting musician on the album brings something to my songs. In the end, as Dawn says, I have to be happy with it because I will be living with it for the rest of my life. I know there is a way to weave uniqueness of the musicians and their playing into my vision for the project. I know that I can collaborate on something that is really just a solo work. It feels like a metaphysical quandry (brain workout), though, sometimes . . . and sometimes its just a time consuming technical puzzle (grunt work.)