all shows have an element of danger. "as attendance rises, the collective i.q. decreases--so that a large concert has the collective identity of a five-year-old. . ." david lee roth said that. or maybe jim morrison. i don't know, now that i think about it, but one thing i am sure of is the fact that everyone gets a bit loopy when gathered in large quantities. that's why birds and fish are so easily led by whoever's in front. . .anyway, we were doing this gig in South Dakota and it was one of those big, two day thingys where everyone camps over night and by the end of it, everyone is really tired on top of the usual festival-grade drunkenness. we were playing and like always, we were more intent on the songs than the audience when we began to notice that the security guys (who were between the stage and the barricade) had basically abandoned their posts and were looking at us with "can't you do something about this!?!?!" looks on their faces. it took a measure or two before we saw the source of their terror. a really large corn-fed woman was naked and pressed up against the aforementioned barricade with her mams heaved over the top of it, singing and waving at us--as if one of us was going to stop the show and go to her and say," let me take you away fom all of this. . .there's so much truth in you and so much emotional larceny in these others. . ." meanwhile a pale emaciated methed-out looking dude had casually eased his hand across and is gently giving this cow some much needed support (at least on one side i guess). well i can't let this go without comment of course, so i say something really clever like, "dude you better tie a rescue rope to one of your friends before you get lost in one of those rolls. . ." well, meth-dude takes exception to this line of humor, because over the course of the previous song he had grown rather attached to this beast and i had now insulted his lady love. before i could say anything else clever, he was onstage with a gun (that he probably found under the left teet of that woman) forcing me to the ground and yelling, "you ain't so baddass now is yer!" i was concerned to say the least. obvious to everyone, this young man hadn't planned for anything beyond where he then found himself and in the freezing cold of that North Dakota October, band, assailant , and audience were bound together in silence for six and one half seconds. upon the seventh second i heard a sound that was almost cartoonish looking back now. . .it was an electronic caucophony like no one has ever witnessed. suddenly beside me was my transgressor with x's for eyes and i will swear i saw tiny birds circling his pointed head. beside him was my brother, standing arms raised holding a broken rickenbacker 12-string. he grabbed the microphone and yelled,"did y'all see how hard i hit that summbitch!" the crowd exploded, meth-dude was dragged away, and john counted us off into 'red light' and the show continued. i often wonder about the fat girl and meth-dude. did they ever find each other after that? do they ever think back to that night when they hear us on Muzak at the grocery store? is that how they pictured that festival weekend as they looked down into their sweaty hands when the ticket guy handed back their stubs at the entrance gate? probably. probably.

it's getting to be festival season again.
todd (my thumb STILL hurts)