As Israel's attack on South Lebanon continues, officials in Beirut are
desperately searching for a major celebrity who hates the Lebanese. A
Foreign Ministry official explained: "until Mel Gibson made those
comments, Americans at least had some sympathy for our plight. Now
everybody is more concerned about anti-semitism than about our country
being bombarded by Israel. If only we can find somebody to make some
nasty remarks about Lebanese people, then perhaps we will have some
peace around here."

Although the plan is in its early stages, the Foreign Ministry is
determined to find someone who is both famous and disliked. The
front-runner is thought to be Tom Cruise who, Like Mel Gibson, is both
unpopular and has eccentric religious beliefs. Also being considered
are Jennifer Aniston, Ben Afflick, Matt Damon and almost any other
star who regularly appears in gossip columns.

Another problem for the Foreign Ministry is that, although Americans
are indifferent to Lebanon, the country is so little known that there
is little prejudice against its people. As the official commented
"American liberals only care about people who American rednecks hate.
All they know about us is our food. Who doesn't like hummus, falafel
and baklava? OK, kids don't like eggplant, I grant you that, but it is
not much to base a global conspiracy theory on, is it?