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Don't call it a comeback...
There are many stupid sayings that people use without really thinking about them. Probably my least favorite is "no offense". The phrase "no offense" is almost always followed by something offensive. No one says "no offense, but you're probably the most awesome person I've ever met". I think we need to change this saying to be more honest. How about we replace "no offense but..." to "brace yourself to be offended"? That way people can get ready to hear something terribly offensive. Sure, they're going to be upset, but they'll be grateful that you gave them a warning first.
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Being a parent is wonderful. It is probably the best part of my life. That said, there are some things that no one prepares you for, and I'm not talking about dirty diapers that look like some kind of toxic waste spill. My son had a bad reflux problem for a long time. Every bottle, every meal...it was just a matter of time before it was coming back up. He would give a little warning, which was usually a coughing fit that resulted in a scene straight out of The Exocist. I can't tell you how many times Robbie and I tried, usually without success, to catch the vomit. That's right, we caught vomit. Why didn't someone say, "you know, you're probably going to have to catch vomit at some point"? Not that it would have changed anything, but I do like to be prepared.
If catching someone's vomit doesn't show you love them, I don't know what does.
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We all know that George Carlin passed away recently. He had the famous bit about baseball versus football, which was pretty funny, but I've always thought that it was comparing apples and oranges. No offense baseball fans (I mean, brace yourself to be offended baseball fans), but baseball is not a sport. It is a game. There is a subtle difference. Allow me to explain: when perfectly executed, baseball is nothing more than a really intense game of catch. If the pitcher does what he's supposed to do, no one other than the pitcher and catcher will even move. 3 up and 3 down each inning is the goal, and occassionally that happens. Even in MLB there are games where certain outfielders never have to move. That is not a sport.
In football, everyone is moving, running, blocking, etc. Your physical skills are put to the test each down. It is truly the most manly of all sports. You can watch baseball for 4 hours and see 2 minutes of actual "action". 4 hours of football is a slug-fest of action. I know this isn't funny, but with nothing but baseball "highlights" on SportsCenter I'm jonesing for some football and wanted to vent my frustrations. Sorry baseball fans. You may resume keeping up with nerdy stats and watching a game so boring that fans are actually given a time to stand up and stretch as to avoid muscular atrophy.
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What is up with the people that open up a game of internet spades, checkers or hearts and then disappear? Why do I have to click "find new opponents" about seven times before I can get a game started? I understand having to leave in the middle of a game, but not even starting? Why click the game in the first place?
Are these people being abducted by aliens? Do they suddenly remember that they were planning on writing the great American novel? Seriously, what's up with that?
Also, if you are writing the great American novel and only want to make plays in between chapters, how about choosing Solitare instead of Spades? I've had games that moved slower than the Major League Baseball season. My mouse is wearing out from entering "It's Your Turn" and turning chat on and off. All I'm saying is make sure you're willing to make a commitment to the game before jumping in. I've got serious time to kill here.
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Sorry for the long break from the Ramblings. I guess I'm running out of funny.
Your pal,
Corey
3:19 PM
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