How to Become a Poet
Step one
Be born into a dysfunctional family
If your family is perfectly normal worry not
Just claim they're dysfunctional
Step two
Spend your childhood being abused
By one or more drunken parents
If neither of your parents drink
Convince them to start
Step three
Spend your teen years
As an unpopular, isolated geek
Step four
Turn to drink, drugs and sex
As solace for your fucked up life
I can't stress step four enough
If you haven't made
Sex and drugs and rock n roll
Your three basic food groups
You can't be a poet
Step five
Get fired from job after job
Be broke all the time
Spend periods of your life homeless
Step six
Develop a warped view of the world
Write it down
Inflict your writing on audiences at open mike nights
Always remember
Being a poet is like being a rock star
Without all the chicks and money