Seems to me that life likes to press down on you amazingly when you least wanted it to. Although we all feel things, it's like we lose our control when it's the most inconvenient. I'm still trying to catch up with everyone, and I feel like it's a losing battle. Just about time to update my life in your eyes, so here it goes:
Another Struggle
Just a few days ago, I got a blow from a friend: Lauren wound up angry and spilling rage to me. I wanted to just agree with her and say "You're right," the entire time, but I couldn't. I tried to point out things that I felt were true, and instead, she just growled back, "And you're telling ME this?" Apparently, I can't get over my past. Why am I still trying?
A Bright Edge
We're finally moving. I'm going to miss the river and the smell of the house I've contaminated after 15 years of living, but there's always the scar over the pain. I like the place we're going, even though I don't get to really pick anything. Quite simply, the only good thing is the thought of leaving behind the memories that I can't really remember anymore - something like a new start.
Searching for Hope
I've been talking to a friend now that I've been missing, and it feels like gaps are starting to fill. There are some problems with life, still, but I'm recovering. Everything is looking just a little brighter, day by day, and I'm starting to remember what it's like to have dreams. The bleak is getting vibrant again. Maybe my life will not be monochrome, soon.
One More Time...
Expliquez encore. I love the thought that even though we're moving out, we still have to worry about yet another lawsuit. Okay, but just pay what you have to and get over it. My family's life feels like more trouble than it's worth, but that's okay, I guess. I'm still looking for a reason to keep going when all of this is said and done.
Why...not?
I've finally planned out my life (Career-wise) and I know that there's a 50-50 chance I'll be rich. The upper 50 is my stardom- the lower leaves me desolate, destitute. I want a chance to show who I am. I wanna save the world. I'll do whatever it takes. I hope it's not too much to ask for...
Breathe Underwater
Everyone's getting older, even me. I find it hard to believe that Kris is getting married, I'm turning 16, my friends are fading away, and decisions are starting to matter. Ugly parts of life are shoving for a chance, and I keep pushing them down, although I don't want to have to hide my emotions. I feel slightly stuck, like every step I take is the wrong one, straight into quicksand.
Sometimes I'm alone.
Sometimes I'm afraid.
Most of the time, I'm alive.
Am I still worth fighting for?
8/22/09