As it is the Halloween season, we commonly think about candy and pumpkins and spiders and everything that is required to thoroughly traumatize the children of the neighborhood for the remainder of their lives. But there is a topic that a lot of people don’t think about: “What about the villains?” yes the villains from all the great horror movies that we were raised on, once the movies over, what do they do? What CAN they do? Well this concerned citizen has been working hard on this matter and here is what I’ve come up with.
The Protagonist from “Psycho”, he ran an inn, meaning that he has decent organizational skills, medicate him and put him at the front desk of the local Mental Ward.
All the knife wielding murders in any slasher film, they posses a quality trade! Put them in a meat locker and let them butcher meat, the slighlty more stable ones could run a deli!
The Ghost twins from “The Shining”, Double Mint Gum adds.
The dead chick from the “Ring”, she obviously is good under ground, let her inspect mining operations.
Mummies, they have a good sense for durable fabrics, I’ve never seen a fat mummy accept a parties, they have a certain “walk” and they don’t talk much…. Run way models!
Jigsaw… let him make a new version of the “Mouse Trap” game (I think it would be a lot of fun!)
Ghosts, air port inspectors… specters… get it?
Werewolves would have to be Pest control…. They have the nose for it.
I feel that Freddy Cruger would be a good florist or hair styling.
I would put the Chick from “The Grudge” in a dentists office, the whole “ahhhhhhhhhhh” thing works for her.
Pinhead from “Hellraiser” could do two things, acupuncture or have his head be the basis for a new “Kirplunk” game.
The Blair Witch could do arts and crafts; I feel that she would be specifically strong with wicker.
Aliens would be what else? PROCTOLOGISTS!
Vampires would be good movie critics, follow me on this one. They have lived a really long time so they can compare early movies to new ones, they pull useless knowledge out of their asses for dialogue, they are pompous, eloquent, egotistical and they have nothing but free time on their hands.
And lastly, how can we forget the lovable Zombies! I think you’ll agree with me on this one…. Politicians!
Dont cast these villians, these social outcasts aside, they can be productive members of society, look past their obvious faults and give them a chance.