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Current mood:  blank
Or "The Man of One Million Faces". Throughout history children have been tought that on christmas a large man dressed in red with a deep laugh will bring them presents. The story origanates from the dutch legend of Sinter Klaas, as time passed on the name and story would eventually be transmuted into what we now know as Santa Claus or St. Nick. This americanized version of Clause is what I want to tackle with this post, I respect the tradition of the dutch and won't be riffing on thier aspect of him except for the afor mentioned legend. My first issue with this "Beloved" man is the fact that...brace yourselves, HE IS NOT REAL! I understand that this may come as a shock to some of you but that is exactly my point. It's almost like an american coming of age tradition that when a child is old enough his parents will tell him that santa doesn't exist, that they have been lying to him his whole childhood (If the child isn't intelligent enough to realize that himself, like I was because I'm a fucking genius). This will crush the childs hopes and dreams. I remember telling an eleven year old kid once that santa did not exist, expecting him to laugh and take the joke he starting crying telling me how he had sort of expected it but just didn't want to believe. I destroyed this childs psyche and theres nothing I can do to fix that, I will never forgive myself. Second point, he promotes obesity. I mean seriously look at the fucker.  Third point, there are absolutely way too many santas for it not to be a government conspiracy. They want you to believe in santa, if religion is the opium of the masses than santa is the pot. The idea of santa makes people feel good, the government realizes this and wants to keep everyone in that state of mind. Just take a look at this undeniable evidence. Here is santa standing on a street corner.  And here is another santa at the exact same time in california.  And here is a troop of little santas and big santas all in the same place!  Hence government conspiracy.
3:19 AM
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