Four days ago, my girlfriend Roxana's cousin died of cancer, she was only 24 years old
and it's a tragedy to lose someone so young. Her family is bigger and closer than mine, outside of my brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, i don't speak to any of my cousins, we don't visit, we don't chat, we don't email...dunno, that's the way it's always been.

So when she called me on Thursday and told me the bad news, I went to be with her, I was also with her Friday too. So Saturday came and I had to get back to things I had planned, I went to the Yankees game with my boss, followed by dinner with him and his 4 year old boy Rex, the day was great and I really enjoyed hanging with my buddy Jon and his boy...afterwards I was on a high from the experience which was filled with love and friendship, something I don't often get in the familial sense since most of my family lives so far away.

My phone rang shortly after and it was a good friend Theresa who was a roommate of my brother Jeremiah in florida some time ago, and he had told her to look me up when she made her big move to the city. Excited still over the great day I had, I jumped at the opportunity to do something nice for someone and show them around, introduce them to a few people...I picked her up in times sq and we jetted down to The Cutting Room Studios for a couple of hours with my roommate and a producer friend of mine, talking business, live, music and enjoying ourselves.

I was also going to take her to a keg party last night in brooklyn hosted by my buddy Rocky who is cheif engineer at the studio, but before that we made our way to Rockwood Music Hall which I had told Theresa about and she was stoked, when we arrived, there were plenty of people I knew there, and as I said hello and made my rounds, some of the more boisterously intoxicated persons asked where my girlfriend was, instead of keeping her and essentially my business to myself, i decided to tell them she was with her best friend and didn't feel like going out because of the death of her cousin...to which both girls I was talking to replied in unison "You should go be with her"...

I suppose they are right, but it just hadn't occurred to me since I know that if the situation was reversed I would never expect my girlfriend to drop everything and to mourn the death of a cousin with me, besides, she was with her best friend and for all I knew, I hadn't heard from her since I left her that morning except when she texted me about going to the MoMa today to see Dali's Exhibit. And maybe she needed some space, or time alone, whatever...

What happened next blew my mind, one of the young ladies I was talking to decided to compare my not being there for my girlfriend on day 3 with her Fiance deciding to leave the country for 6 weeks days after her FATHER died....um, sorry...not the same thing. But it made me think enough that I was now prepared to leave all my friends, abandon all my plans and go be with Roxana...so I went inside to say goodbye to people, and then another person, who I will not name, said hello and could see that I was pensive, she asked...so I told her the same deal, to which she replied "You know, not being there for her when she needs you is a clear indiicator of how much you actually love her"

HELLO....IT'S HER FUCKING COUSIN, NOT HER MOM, DAD, SISTER, BROTHER....i'm not insensitive, but it's been three daya and she has a life and other friends besides me!!!

The best part was that her friend, whom I met just seconds before, started quizzing me about how I had spent my day, casting judgement on my decisionsm making comments like "oh yeah, that's was really important" and essentially implying that I was a bad person for not supporting my girlfriend in her time of need. To that kid I say, how dare you??? You don't know me, you don't know my girlfriend, and if I ever fucking see you again, stay the fuck outta my way you self righteous prick or I'll fucking kick your ass.

After being bombarded by these four lovingly self righteous and fairweathered judgementally inclined sons a bitches in the span of minutes, I simply walked out on everyone, got in a cab and went to my girlfriends house, where she was sitting comfortably in the company of her two best friends and had been watching movies, doing homework and taking naps all day...

Today we woke up, made love all morning, went to brunch and then spent the day at the Moma...The Salvador Dali Exhibit, it was an awesome day.

Moral of the story, when you think people are your friends, think again, people in glass houses will throw stones, and so in the future, next time somebody ask about my girlfriend, I'll simply say, she's fine, she's out with her friends, and keep my fucking mouth shut...

jhs