I woke this morning in a northern village of Cambodia, to the sound of Katarinas voice alarm saying, " the time is 6am, its time to get up".  We are here to see the fresh water dolphins in the Mekong Delta. While Kata and her friend Anna, who is visiting from germany, began their showers and morning preperations for the day,  I lay there recalling a dream I had just before waking. Wayne had called on Katas cell phone and said that baby Mai had died and that we should  get back to Wat Opot. They needed us. I thought about the dream in detail over and over.  It was a bit unsettleing. Baby Mai had been sick for a few weeks before we set out on this journey. When she first fell ill with diahrea and fever, Wayne said that she was just teething. Baby mais caretaker Sina, insited she needed to take the baby to the hospital as she was not able to keep down liquids and was becoming dehydrated. Wayne tried to start an IV, and with no luck, sent the two off to the hospital in Takeo, two hours away. I felt compelled to visit them often while they were there as I had built a relationship with the two. Sina was the first of the caretakers at Wat Opot to open her arms to me in friendship. Baby mai, not actually a baby, was 19 months old but very small for her age, around 14 pounds, and hadn't begun to walk.  Sina was rarely seen without Mai in her arms. Each day I would walk up to the two and wrap my arms around them both. This always made Sina laugh and baby mai look at me in question. Khmer people dont hug, so Mai thought this a bit strange. She got used to it after a while and began extending one arm out to me when ever I approached them. After our group hug, Baby Mai would rich out her hand towards me, palm facing up. I would take two fingers, place them in the palm of Mais little hand and walk my fingers up her arm until I reached her armpit, and then I would tickle her. She would throw , her head back in laughter, then grab my hand and push it into Sinas side for me to include her in our game. I would repeat this over and over until my checks hurt from laughing. One day, after being at Wat Opot for three months, I approached Sina, and baby Mai reached out both arms to me, wanting  me to hold her. I had never seen her in anyones arms but Sina. I felt honored  that Mai was showing me such affection. Sina, with her sweet smile, looked me in the eyes as she put Mai into my arms, and left  us to commence our special bond.
 Katarina and I went to visit baby mai and Sina throughout their hospital stay. Each time we would hike down to the main road and flag down a truck heading south for the long, hot, two hour bumpy ride. Each time we visited, Sina looked thinner and more warn out. She had survived aids, along with her husband, after the discovery of the ARV drugs.  Though after begining the drugs, Wayne felt that Sina still may not survive.  but after she was given Baby Mai to care for, she sprung back to life. She had a purpose again. She loved this little baby and it gave her a reason to live.
 We stocked up on fruits and water to bring to Sina and baby Mai and always stopped  before we reached the hospital to buy a hot dish of rice, veggies and chicken. Sina always looked happy to see us. It must have been hard to be there by herself with a baby she loved so much, seeing her wittle away to nothing. Mais head was shaved on one side  for an IV.  Eventually they shaved the other side of her head as it was getting very hard to find a vein. Baby Mai  seemed a bit worse each time we visited. She became thinner and thinner and lacked any ounce of energy. Time passed slowley for the two of them. Sometimes I would sit with Sina and paint her nails, taking my time to take off the old polish before slowly applying the new, trying to pass time while baby Mai slept.
Sometimes Mai would wake and just lay there and watch us, Her eyes never straying far from Sina. She saw Sina as her mommy. They loved eachother so much.
Friday was the last day we went to visit them in the hospital. The doctors had started Mai on the ARV drugs thinking it would help. She looked so frail and was so meserable. you could tell she was in a lot of pain. Her little stomach was so extended and the rest of her body so tiny. Katarina and I felt that she wouldnt live through the night.
The next day during our buhdist class at the temple with the children, Wayne came in and announced that baby Mai had died and that we would begin to prepare the cremetorium for the services. I tried to keep it together but tears fell like a river from my eyes. No one seemed to be phazed by the news. I know it is because they have all gone through so many deaths here, over 400, and they all know it is just part of life. Also,  the fact that they are budhists, which means that the soul will move on to a much better place then this. I try to focus on the thought of that to keep from crying. I cant help it, I just want to scream and run somewhere as fast as I can.  finally, unable to sit still any longer, I get up and leave the temple. I go back to my room where I can just sit with my own thoughts. Sa Rey Left with Sinas husband to pick them up at the hospital. I wished that I had gone with them. I try to think of what I will say to Sina, how I will act. A few hours later I hear the truck pull up outside. I run out and see the children running towards the truck. Sinas husband is already out of the truck. I can see the top of Sinas head in the back of the pickup. Her husband reaches in and pulls an IV bag up from where Sina is sitting. I wonder what that is for. Sina possibly? Sina stands up in the back of the truck and I can see baby Mai in her arms. the IV is attached to baby Mai. She is alive! I feel dizzy and sick to my stomach as if I might puke. My head is spinning. I squat down and take a few deep breaths to keep  from passing out. One of the caretakers runs by me and yells, "baby Mai la aw" baby mais is well. I stand up and follow the crowd to the hospital which is now the childrens dorm. everyone gathers around watching Sina and baby Mai. I walk up to Sina and hug her. She hugs back but  doesnt let go. tears begin to run down my face. I dont want to let go either. I love these two so much. I am so happy they are home.
That day I watch as baby Mai struggles, trying to eat or drink. She cries the whole time. She scwerms about and pushes hands away that try to touch her. she is miserable. She looks horrible. So skinny with such a huge tummy. It is so sad to see. Wayne says that she is fine and just needs to pass some gas and have a bowel movement. Silently, I disagree.
The next day I go in to say goodbye to Sina and baby Mai. I dont know how to explain that I wont be back for a few months. I wrap my arms around Sina from behind and reach out to Mai sitting on the floor and stroke her arm. I say a silent prayer that they will be alright.
Sitting up in bed , I begin to tell Kata and Anna about the dream I had about Wayne calling to tell us that Mai had died. They each give me a strange look. Its not something any of us want to hear. Later at breakfast, I get up from the table to go the internet. As I turn to walk away, Katas cellphone beeps with a text message. I turn around and walk back to the table. I know what the message will be. Kata looks up at me with tears in her eyes. " Baby Mai died this morning". I sit down at the table. Kata reminds me of my dream. We are all speechless. What can we say to eachother. We had gone through this four days ago. We were emotionally exhausted that day and now we will go through it a second time.
I use Katas cell phone to call rob, a volunteer who had stayed for two weeks before christmas, and who was now back for a week before heading back to the states. He had been there when baby Mai died. I needed to talk to him. We had decided to get back to the Wat for the cremation and to be there for Sina. We would rent a taxi to take us back the 11 hour bus ride  to Wat Opot. The taxi, we are told, will only take five hours. They go a different way then the busses and they dont stop at every corner to pick someone up. So it was diffenitly doable. We could make it back by 1 o'clock that afternoon. I reach rob and tell him of our plans. He will run it by Wayne and call back. We arrange the taxi and head back to our hotel to pack our things up. The phone rings, Its Rob. "Wayne says thanks but not to come back, it will be all  over by the time we get there. They will wait for  baby Mais real mother to arrive and then prepare the body for the cremation. I am shocked at this. Why cant wayne wait for a few hours. Bodies sit for days while the families and friends celebrate around them. Why does this need to be done so quickly. These people have become my friends, my family. I want to be there with them. I am angered by Waynes stuborness. I have been there five months and built a relationship with Sina and Mai. What is five hours? I am so mad I could scream.
Kata, Anna and I return to cancel our taxi and resume with the plans we have made for the day. We  rent bikes and will ride six miles out of town, along the Mekong river, to a place where you can rent a boat to go out on the river to see the freshwater, irrawaddy dolphins. It is already getting hot. It is a beautiful ride along the Mekong. The small road passes wooden huts on stilts surrounded by bananna palms and coconut trees. Children run out of their homes to wave hello. I think of Sina and Mai. I remember walking my fingers up her arm and tickling her and how she loved to include Sina in this little game. I love her sweet laugh. I pictured her face while I ride through the village. Tears fill my eyes and fall down my cheeks.
We reached the viewing site of the dolphins but Kata was unsure if she wanted to go at this time. She felt that maybe we should wait until later in the day because we might not see any dolphins. I hear the monks at the nearby mountain temple chanting, Samat Sompot, the chant we say each night with the children at the cremetorium. I turned and tell Kata we should go now. We WILL see dolphins. I remember the paddle outs in santa cruz we have when someone has died. During the ceremony in the water, it is always very special to see a dolphin. I believe they are very spiritual beings. It seemed apropriate to be out on the river with the possibility of seeing  dolphins at this time.
A man leads us to his boat waiting at the edge of the river. we climb in and he paddles out towards the middle of the river for the hour tour. it is very quiet and peaceful,  only the three of us and the boat driver. How perfect. We see a few dolphins off in the distance. We can here them splash down into the water. We drift and float with the hot sun beating down on us. No one says a word. I say a prayer for Baby Mai and use this time as a way of saying goodbye to her. Occassionally a dolphin appears in the distance.  Our boat driver rows us farther up the river. We sit and wait. When It is almost time for us to return, Dolphins appear all around us. Groups of four or five swim towards the boat as if they will run right into us.  the boat driver lets out a "WOW" and an "OH", as if he has never seen this before. Groups of dolphins jump out of the water and splash and play. I picture Mai being free now, playing with the dolphins, laughing and waving. tears fall from my eyes. I am so happy to be here at this time. it is so fitting.  Katas phone beeps with a text message. We all look at eachother but leave the phone untouched. Later, when we read the text it says, "the cremation is over, Baby Mai is free." The dolphins continue to jump and play. I think of the story that Rob had told me of Baby Mai's last moments. He was in the room along with many of the children when it happened. He said it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.  I close my eyes and picture the story he told me. Baby Mai was sitting on the floor across from Sina. She asked Sina for her neaklace and bracelet. Sina took each out of a little box and put them on Baby Mai.  Sinas husband lit a candle and some incense as if he knew that Mai was ready to leave this world.  Mai reached for Sinas face and pulled it close to hers. She wispered something in her ear and then laid back into Sinas arms, her eyes slowly closing.  Her little body slowly giving up its life.
I will miss you sweet Mai