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Sheri



Last Updated: 12/1/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 37
Sign: Aries

State: Ontario
Country: CA
Signup Date: 7/9/2006
Thursday, May 15, 2008 
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American
 company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She
 really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It was PC Magazine's 2007 editors'
 choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.


   Dear Mr. Thatcher,

 I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20
 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the
 LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go
 horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of
 running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite
 feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the
 only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads
 be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each
 month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

 Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
 from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the
 month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal
 forces violently surging through my body.. Just a few minutes from
 now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband
 likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills' Isn't the human body amazing?

 As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
 seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
 customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
 about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
 intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
 surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
 week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
 boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he
 told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

 The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that  America is
 just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings
 me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of
 cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my
 uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the
 adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

 Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your
 tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,
 laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did
 anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did
 it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there
will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack
yourself up on Motrin and  Kahlua and lock yourself in your house
 just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with
 a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

 For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a
 moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
 something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

 Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
 immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
 chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
 certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
 brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

   Always.

   Best,

   Wendi Aarons

   Austin ,  TX
6:47 PM
 
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