Have you blasphemed anyone today? When I was in school my friend people would blaspheme me but I just turned to my other cheek. Then one day I gave up and started poking them in the eyeball with my pencil. That made them stop but it also made my pencil dull. The lesson we need to pass along to the next generation is that blaspheming someone will lead to a dull pencil. And since every one knows how bad our schools are now they will understand how important pencils are to school children everywhere, including Germany.

Drove through town last week. Beverly HIlls used to be sort of a classy joint. Then all the tv actors and the people from the pictures came into town and made it their town. Talk about going downhill. Now everywhere I go there are people looking at me with their plastic noses and surgically reduced ankles. Where did all the funny looking people go? I have eyes to see but they are not here.

It used to be fun driving into town and sitting by the pharmacy watching all the funny looking people limp and skip their way around town. Wishing they could afford to buy expensive candy and treats and hoses. Now they are not here. I saw the man who plays brad pit yesterday buying a hot dog at the coffee store. There is nothing wrong with buying hot dogs. I do it all the time. But when a actor star like the brad pit buys a hot dog the pizzaria people come out with their cameras and their video tapers. What a mess. Is it because he was in that picture with twelve monkeys and the new jersey man who plays the harmonica and talks to dead people? Most likely. I hear th emonkeys bit him and that is how he got the big gash in his forehead that, to this day, sings him to sleep at night.

When did we all agree it was okay to sell fish and shot guns in the same place? I was driving to the staples center last week and my wife demanded we go into the wallmart store to purchase some feminine hygenic cleanser attchment or something. I try not to pay attention out of respect to woman problems and their privacy needs. I had never been to that place before. The wallmart shop. It was very very big and they sell fish at a fish stand then a few rows down they sell shotguns. I was appalled that I have never heard of this option before. Up until then I would think we had to go to an open air market for such a vast array of choices. You can also buy magazines. Saw one with teh brad pit on the cover. His gash was airbrushed away in the photo. It was a wonderful place to spend a couple minutes before the lakers game started. But then we had to leave. A bird pooped on my car. Good thing we drove the ferrari otherwise the viper roadster would've had a pile of stink bisquit on the front seat. Again. I will be back. No more sending my paid people to buy my things for me. I actually found some funny looking people and i'm not going to miss out on this opportuntiy to look at them.

All the other magainzes featured the new president man, Brarrak Orbama. I think it will be a historic moment when he stands on the front door steps of the supreme court and swears to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. There are four people more historic than him but having a black father and a cantonese mother sure made him a good golfer. It is good to see someone other than the white person up there with their hand on the constitution. I hope he can take the leaders of the foreign places golfing and beat them really bad so they realize we can crush them. Then they will stop fighting and making bad gasoline. What will we do when all our precious natural resources are depleted? Once the tobacco trees die we will be doomed.

That is why i want to start a foudnation to raise awareness for tobacco tree growers. They are fighting for the future of our nation and being on the front line like that fight. The little trees that shoot out cigarettes every spring must not be forgotten. So i'd like to organize a walk or a vigil or a marathon thing, whatever works best, so that people can know how troublesome life can be for the ones blessed with teh opportunity of raising these lovely green botanical angels. When a tobacco tree farmer dies of cancer in the woods does he really die? Question for the ages.

Fourteen is the best number. It is essentially the word "four" and "teen" but it has them pushed together. I've often wondered how we came up with that word to describe this many things x x x x x x x x x x x x x. I'm glad we did because there really isn't any other word to describe that many things.