I find it would be better to lay it out in advance than to have people finding out what makes my day or pisses me off through trial and error. If you don't want to be my friend, good deal. I don't need anyone. If you want to be, here are the rules:

1. First and foremost: DON'T ASK ME FOR MONEY. It will end the relationship immediately. Why not wait for you not to pay me back? Because if you're asking ME for money it means you can't get any from a bank, parents, and other friends. Why not?, I ask, and I already know the answer. So I find it better to save the money you would never pay me back.

2. You don't (insert your job function here) after work, and I am not your 24 hour tech support. IF you have my cell number, don't abuse it. I won't ask you to make me four tacos at 3 AM if you don't corner me at club and ask me why your Windows is running slowly. Call my cell during work hours. I will probably have to call you back, but rest assured I will, and will happily answer your tech support questions then. And when I do, get me a thank you gift. Nothing big, please, just something to acknowledge your thankfulness. I make a hundred dollars an hour doing my job, so a bag of good (not starbucks) coffee is a deal. A bottle of scotch is not bad either. And yes, I don't even THINK of setting foot in my physician's office without a coffee (Mike, WTF with the six sugars) and a plan to fix HIS computer when he gives me medical advice.

3. As you can divine from the previous post, I separate my work from my social life. Don't drop in during work hours for social calls. I don't drop in to yours for the same. I am at work to work, and it is NOT cool to have you "drop in just to say hi" when I am at work. You will wait, usually uncomfortably long, and leave. Call me. Let's plan something after work.

4. While my time at work is worth $100.00 an hour, my time AFTER work is PRICELESS. I can never get it back. When it is my time to die I won't be able to pull a coupon out of my wallet and claim the time I spent waiting for you, or the time I totally lost because you made other plans. IF YOU MAKE PLANS WITH ME, KEEP THEM. Blow me off and I'll spend time with someone who treats my time for what it is worth.

5. CLUB AND WORK ARE SEPARATE.

6. You can too afford it. You just don't want to budget the funds that way. Don't tell me you can't go out for dinner when you smoke two packs of cigarettes a day. If going to club, cigs, movies, etc are more important than time with me, fine. Just let me know.

7. CONTACTING ME: If you know me, you have my phone number. If you don't, ask. I give it to anyone I know.
MySpace message me if you just want to say something that doesn't require a quick response. Use this for friendly messages. DO NOT USE THIS TO MAKE PLANS THAT REQUIRE ANY TIMETABLE. I have taken up to two weeks to get back to people.
Text message me for short things that don't require a lot of thought. Typical example: You goin to club tonight? Don't text me with stuff like "What do you have against Neo-Conservatives?" I don't have the time to answer stuff like that in a text.
E-Mail my personal mail account (chuk@skunkarific.com) if you have a file attachment (up to 10MB, anything more use www.yousendit.com). Again, I check it infrequently. DO NOT MAIL THIS ACCOUNT WITH WORK/TECH SUPPORT QUESTIONS. It is my PERSONAL account.
E-Mail the store's account with tech support questions ONLY. ANYONE may read these and respond. DO NOT SEND PERSONAL MAIL HERE. I WILL DELETE YOU.

CALL ME if you need an answer right away. Again, if there is a time constraint to your contact, CALL MY CELL PHONE. Also, call my cell for tech support during business hours. If you have my number, use it. I don't mind.