Messy Spirituality is a description of the Christianity most of us live and that few of us admit. It is an attempt to break through the religious wall of secrecy and legitimize a faith which is unfinished, incomplete, and inexperienced. Messy Spirituality is a celebration of a discipleship which is under construction. (Messy Spirituality, Mike Yaconelli, p.16)
We just got back from vacation in the Dominican Republic and luckily I didn't die from being hit from a coconut. Instead we as a family embraced coconuts and drank them all week. It started out with Gen not hearing her alarm and us not waking up until 15 minutes after we were supposed to be on our way to JFK. So we had to wake Bella and through clothes on her. She was already tired from us being at the church until 10 the night before. The plane ride was great but as we landed something happened. Bella's ears started hurting her and she began to throw a tantrum. Rightfully so because her ears were hurting so bad and she was scared. We held her tight and still loved her threw the screaming offering her water. If she would have just taken that one drink of water her ears would have gotten better and the pressure would have equalized. But she refused the water.
Most people here that know Bella know that unless she is tired she is a very well behaved little girl. She has one of the those bubbly personalities that even if you don't like kids you like Bella. She waves at everyone and smiles at everyone. Loves all the attention on the subway and walking on the street. But once she got her fast taste of a temper tantrum it exploded. Our dream vacation of doing nothing but laying around one of the most beautiful beaches I had every seen quickly became the nightmare from hell. Imagine sitting coconut in hand, palm trees right up to the water, waves crashing around you, mountains all around and being surrounded by a jungle…but with a 16 month old screaming in the background in your ears. Ruined it for us too. Bella was either on an emotional happy high or demon baby. There was no in between. Gen and I were fighting because we were tired, embarrassed and stressed. We wanted to leave the beach and just come back to the rainy cold weather in NYC. People would say hello and she would either smile and wave big or she would point her finder at them screaming saying "NO NO NO NO!" We would just have to say how sorry we were and tell Bella that she wasn't being nice. Then she would scream at us, stomp her feet and hit or pinch us. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were nightmares, as Bella would be done so she would start throwing herself back in her highchair and pitching a fit. One night we made reservations and had to leave after being there only about 10 minutes. Several families saw me later walking and asked if they could get us something to eat and bring it to our rooms. Even the next day more families that were there told us they had felt so sorry for us. Gen and I both shed tears as we ended the week. Bella actually did pretty good the last day and a half but then started back in on the plane ride home. In the immigration line she pitches a fit so bad the officers had us go ahead of everyone so we would leave.
As much as Gen and I wanted to leave her at times (not really but have a tantrum for 4 days straight and you will understand), we still love her more than ourselves. I would do anything for her; yes I would even die for my daughter. She is my life. Her happy highs make up for any emotional low. It washes the past away with every "Daddeee" she breathes and every hug she brings.
No that we are home I have had a bit of time to sit back and think. We do God the same thing to God. I mean there are times I am flying on a spiritual high and I can face the devil, look him in the eye and laugh. I know he can't harm me because my spiritual "Daddeee" is right there with me. Jesus never leaves me. Our Christian life is the same way as my daughter acted this week. It is usually up or down with little in between. I am usually on fire for God or running into the world. But God keeps reaching down every time I come to Him. I look and I say "I am so sorry Jesus" and He too wipes it all away. He takes us back every single time we run into His constant open arms.
Romans 3: 10 As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one; 11 there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. 12 All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one." 13 "Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit." "The poison of vipers is on their lips." 14 "Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness." 15 "Their feet are swift to shed blood; 16 ruin and misery mark their ways, 17 and the way of peace they do not know." 18 "There is no fear of God before their eyes."
19 Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. 20 Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.
21 But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22 This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25 God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26 he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.
That is such an interesting passage of scripture because I was really living under the law of the Old Testament, wow; I would be in a world of trouble. But the law was given to us so we would understand that we MUST have God in our lives. The law is something that can never be fulfilled by us. We will always end up falling on our face. What the law did was make us realize that a faith in Jesus was the only way to righteousness. He is the only thing that can fill the void in our life. He is the only one that can make our past go away forever. We are justified FREELY by His grace. It was at no expense to us but yet Jesus paid that cost by dieing on the cross. He paid the price by being beat. He paid the price by taking on all the sin and messiness that you and I do daily. And then when He rose from the dead he became the ultimate grace that we need. He became the ultimate "Daddeee" for all of us. A perfect "Daddeee" that doesn't ever forget his love and never wants to leave us.
"Jesus is not repelled by us, no matter how messy we are, regardless of how incomplete we are. When we recognize that Jesus is not discouraged by our humanity, is not turned off by our messiness, and simply doggedly pursues us in the face of it all, what else can we do but give in to His outrageous, indiscriminate love?" (Messy Spirituality, Mike Yaconelli, p.17)