Aug 12, 2006 3:19 PM 

faux pas 

OK, be honest girls. With an former lover, how many of you have ever faked an orgasm? (95 percent of the hands go up) 

And guys, how many of you have ever faked it? (One hand goes up, everybody's staring at him astounded) ''Like WHY would a guy ever fake an orgasm???'' they're asking each other.

Good question. Women fake orgasms for different reasons. One is to bolster their man's ego. 

So, these guys are hanging out at the bar drinking and the first guy says ''Man, I gave my wife two fake orgasms last night'' pumping up his chest. 

The second guy goes, ''Hell, that's nothing. MY GAL had multiple fake orgasms last night until 3 o'clock in the morning." (mimic female orgasm LOUDLY) "Kept the neighbors up half the night. I guess I still got that old magic touch, eh'' (as he hitches up his trousers and struts away)

And ladies, WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THAT NOISE? (orgasm groans ''Oh Seven!'' ''Oh Seven!'') Does every single person in a fifty mile radius really HAVE TO KNOW I'M HUMPING HER LIKE HELL? 

And if you're just faking it, couldn't you do it a little quieter? 

AND WITHOUT repeatedly screaming my fucking name? (hold forehead and shake head) 

I've always been jealous women's ability to have multiple orgasms, (infomercial salesman voice) but now folks, I have discovered how men can have mutliple orgasms too: EXACTLY THE SAME WAY WOMEN DO! (pause)
 

YOU FAKE IT! 

(fake multiple orgasms) Oh, oh oh oh I'm going, oh oh oh oh here I go again! OMG! ANOTHER ONE IS CUMMING. (afterglow panting) ''Easy, huh?'' 

Another reason that women fake orgasms, is to prove their love to their man. It's like it's my birthday right? And I get this beautifully packaged box with ribbons all over it and then I unwrap it and guess what's inside? A FAKE ORGASM!   

(sarcastically) ''Thanks for the wonderful gift, darling! It's just what I needed! How could you have known that was exactly what I wanted?''

Wouldn't it to better to just be honest about it? Just let your partner know that you're faking the orgasm out of pure unconditional love? 

(mimic female orgasm) Oh, I'm just about to fake itI Ohhh, I'm gonna fake it. Oh, oh oh'' 

And just then the guy chimes in (low manly voice), ''Oh baby, I'm faking too. C'mon, let's fake together, girl!'' 

And the woman is screaming ''Oh, fake me, fake me hard, fake me harder HARDER!!!!!!!

7(c)06

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