I'm not a big fan of the word "douchebag." For one thing, it's a lazy, vague insult open to far too much subjective interpretation. More importantly, if I use it, I sound like I'm trying pretend I'm from the East coast, and that's the last thing I want to be mistaken for.

Hey, not for nothin' (whatever the fuck that means) New Yorkers, I'm not sayin' I don't love ya, I'm just sayin' I don't love ya... yo, whatevuh, whattayagonnado?

Jesus...

The relelvance here, inasmuch as there is any, is that I've finally started watching Entourage, and I honestly can't decide if I like it. On the one hand, the "plots" are paper-thin, the interactions with women are more offensive -- from a feminist standpoint -- than anything I've ever shot in porn, and the characters are so poorly-drawn and two-dimensional that they aren't even stereotypes; they're cardboard cutouts of stereotypes.

On the other hand, I can't deny that the dialogue is pretty snappy and well-written, the acting is solid, and I like the way the show is shot and cut. It's certainly watchable, although I've been putting it on while I do other things. I don't know if it would hold my attention solo.

My problem is that I really, really despise the four main characters. These fucking douchebags from Queens are the epitome of everything that makes me not want to be mistaken for the kind of guy who says "douchebag." For me, the show should be called Schadenfreude because I'm only watching to see these idiots suffer. I want to see them crushed. I want Turtle to get testicular cancer. I want Vince to break down and spill his teary-eyed revelation about being sodomized at the age of 11 by Father O'Malley which is why he can only masturbate with a summer sausage stuffed up his ass.

You get the picture. I fucking hate these guys. Unfortunately, I can't tell if I'm supposed to. See, I'm kind of a snob in that I like to know the filmmaker's intent and factor that into my judgements. If I'm supposed to be rubber-necking the train wreck of these numbnuts' lives like a... well, like a train wreck, then I'm in. I love it.

But some nagging little voice tells me I'm actually supposed to like -- and worse, possibly even envy -- these jackoffs. If that's the case, then I hate the show's creators even more than the characters and I'm going to have to start buying DVDs just to incinerate them. That could get expensive.

Maybe I should just stick with Doctor Who.