Somehow, this is less reassuring than it should be. I think every one of my friends, except one, was an asshole to me at least once yesterday. I try to look at this rationally and realize that pushing people away is a natural way to cope with the unescapable loss that all of us will experience as we all head in seperate directions. It didn't help that I was feeling particularly emotional.

I sometimes wonder if people say they will try to commit suicide, with no intention of doing so. I don't want to say it's just for "attention" but rather I'd like to say it's a way of trying to get people to listen. I think people use vulgar words in order to shock others and accomplish the same ends. We just want people to listen to us. We want people to realize that what they are doing is unacceptable and hurtful. Because just saying "that is unacceptable and hurtful" makes one sound like a major square, and no one listens to squares. Keep in mind, I do believe that there are a lot of people with the true intention of commiting suicide--but wouldn't it be nice if the "suicidal posers" could just talk it over rather than reverting to something so virulent and frightening? I wish I could talk it over too.

He says that two and a half months is a long time, but two months and a half months is approximately ten weeks. Take out four of those ten weeks, due to vacations and independent adventures, and you have six weeks. Considering that it's difficult to meet more than once a week, that means I will see him approximately six times after graduation before everything goes to hell. Sorry if I'm being touchy and depressed. I've never really been in a position like this before.

I'm thinking about going to school early, so I can be depressed before the term starts.

~Katy